The Years Of Decisions
by Divess
Summary: This is my vision of the lives of Severus Snape, Lily Evans and James Potter allowing that Albus Dumbledore was powerful enough to manipulate anything he chose, as long as he considered it, For The Greater Good. Rated M. OOC. AU.
1. Hogwarts Secrets

All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated **M** for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

**Story Note:**

Severus Snape may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I adore him. It is my belief he deserved much more out of life than that which was given him in canon.

The Years Of Decisions: Prologue/Chapter 1: **Hogwarts Secrets**

Tomorrow was graduation day for Severus Snape, but tonight Lily and Severus had once again found themselves in their old meeting place which once upon a time had been used to house the Alchemy professor and his classes. Dumbledore had removed Alchemy from the syllabus his second year as Headmaster and the rooms had not been used since. Well, the rooms hadn't been used by professors or students, but had been used by Lily Evans and Severus Snape when they wanted to be alone. For a time, the rooms played host to Lily and Severus at least once a week or more when they snuck away to be with each other. However, that was back when they were a secret couple and hadn't been able to get enough of each other.

/*/

He and Lily had been friends even before they got to Hogwarts and those feelings had only intensified when they found themselves in close proximity due to their classes. In fourth year they began to explore their feelings and decided they truly liked being with each other. In fifth year their feelings had become even more acute and they had become a couple. They had only become intimate in fifth year when they could no longer contain their feelings. However, no matter how deep their feelings ran, circumstances dictated they would not be able to have an open relationship. He was a Slytherin and she, a Gryffindor. All they could do was hide their relationship and meet in secret. That was back during fifth year and a bit of Severus' sixth year.

Things between him and Lily were over now as Lily had given up on him for good during the middle of his sixth year.

Lily was now onto James Potter and had made it her business to turn away whenever Severus came into her view. Severus hadn't even been able to talk to Lily to try and dissuade her from dating James Potter because Potter was like a hawk preventing any interaction between Severus and Lily accidental or otherwise. It seemed as though Potter's primary goal was to keep Lily away from Severus even as he had other outlets.

/*/

Somehow, on this day before his graduation, Lily had made her way to the old Alchemy rooms and found Severus already there. She had hesitated when she saw him and started to turn away.

Severus had pleaded, "Please don't go Lily. Tomorrow is graduation and this will be my last chance to see you and apologize to you for what has gone on, especially these last two years. I know I have been a cad, but it was for good reason. I am consumed with jealousy over what I think goes on between you and Potter. It tears me up inside to see that idiot James Potter sniffing after you as though he owns you."

"Are you telling me that you have been rude and hateful to me and my friends because James Potter fancies me?" asked Lily. "What kind of apology is that Severus? James Potter has nothing over you and his name shouldn't pass your lips if you are apologizing to me. It's me who has been intimate with you in these very rooms. It's me who has lain beneath you and answered your words of love with my own. Yet, when we leave these rooms you turn into a monster and it's not because of James Potter. It's because you want to look good in front of your slimy friends. You are ashamed to admit you love a Muggleborn even though the Muggleborn has admitted she loves you, so don't stand there and blame anything on Potter. In his way, he is as much a manipulator as yourself and always has to make himself look the big man in front of his friends."

Severus bristled and cut across her. "Don't you ever compare me to with that loathsome excuse for a wizard. Mr. big Quidditch hero and I are nothing alike. He is a sneak and a coward who falls at your feet, but corners Bettye Macomber any chance he gets."

Lily moved over to the window and stood looking out at the night. She spoke so softly Severus had to move closer to hear what she was saying. "You rail about James being a coward, but you are the coward. You claim to love me, but choose your friends and their hateful ideals over me. Why am I even saying this? We've been over it a million times. I'm only here because you are leaving for good tomorrow and I wanted to have a last look around. I wanted to remember the place where I've had some of my happiest times."

Lily looked over her shoulder at Severus and smiled, "And here is where we've had some of our fiercest fights. Always about the same thing. Always about James Potter. I had to make the decision for us both Sev. You would have been content with us meeting in secret right up until the day you left Hogwarts, but it was long past time for us both to admit we are set on our paths and they are very different. You want to join the Malfoy Club and be part of the gang which rules by dark measures and I want a happy life with a husband who loves me and doesn't care my parents weren't magical. Where did it all go wrong Sev? You are the first and only wizard who has had intimate knowledge of me. You have touched me in places which haven't been touched by anything other than water from the shower. You have driven me mad with passion, yet….. Why couldn't we have worked it out? I know you love me and I know I'll always love you."

Severus stepped even closer and could smell her hair and that oh so familiar scent. Her smell. Lily's smell. Severus loved the smell which never failed to make him want her. The smell brought to mind…it brought to mind those days when they had shared a loving intimacy. He on his back and she lying across his chest with one leg thrown over his hips. It had been in secret, but they had been together and they had been in love.

Lily felt it when Severus moved closer, but she had remained still. This was the wizard she loved, but could never have. She had tried to move her life forward by accepting some attention and a few dates with Potter. However, she had kept Potter at arms length because she still had thoughts of being in Severus' arms. Additionally, James wasn't sure of what he wanted either. Even though he constantly chased after her, he was sneaking off to see the Hufflepuff slag, Bettye Macomber. Severus hadn't told her anything she didn't know.

Lily's breath caught in her throat as Severus reached out and gently touched her shoulder. A shiver had run through her body and she turned to lay her head against Severus' chest. Then it had been Severus' turn to shiver and tremble. Lily's fragrance and her closeness caused an immediate reaction which left him in a state of sexual arousal and his dick pushing against Lily's stomach.

"It seems as though there is a part of you that still wants to be with me," remarked Lily. "Unlike the rest of you which has cast me aside because your miserable friends think me inferior."

Severus ignored her words, but had taken a chance and put both his arms around her. His Lily. At that moment, Severus didn't give a fuck about Potter, Black or that bloody werewolf. In fact, he didn't give a fuck about Mulciber, Nott, Rosier or Avery either. If this was to be their last time together, Severus wanted his witch one more time, if she would have him.

/*/

Her friends and his friends seemed to work to keep him and Lily apart. Of course, Severus' most notable detractors were Potter and her best friend and roommate Mary. It was clear to Lily that she was not supposed to like Severus because they did not like Severus. She and Mary had bumped heads over this many times, but Lily Evans was her own witch and had pushed aside their opinions of Severus on the many occasions right up until she had to make her final decision about him.

/*/

Severus was almost sure Potter knew he and Lily had been intimate, but would not say it aloud for fear of alienating Lily or becoming the butt of his mates jokes for chasing a witch who had shagged his sworn enemy. Severus figured that was why Potter worked so hard to insult him at every turn and to keep him and Lily apart. Lily was the main reason Potter and his group of sheep treated him like a pariah. They were of the mind that Lily was a Gryffindor who had to be protected from the filthy Slytherin. At least, that's the way Potter told it. Severus didn't care. The little band of prats could treat him how they wished, but they could never take the nights he had shared with Lily away from him.

/*/

In the middle of sixth year, Lily had gone on an angry tear after she broke it off with Severus. She had yelled at him and insulted him, but it had all come down to the day she had made him so angry he had called her a Mudblood. Severus had been sorry as soon as the word was out of his mouth and would have run after her and fallen on his knees, but he had been in a confrontation with James Potter and Sirius Black at the time and could only stand and protect himself. By the time Severus got away from Potter and Black, Lily had made it to the safety of the Gryffindor common room.

Severus had sought Lily out time after time trying to apologize, but she had rebuffed him for months. It had taken some time, but she had finally forgiven him and their friendship had resumed but only as and uneasy alliance. Yet even as their friendship teetered on the balance, they had found themselves back in the Alchemy rooms naked and making love.

Then one day, Lily had made her final decision. She had screamed, "You've chosen your path and I've chosen mine. Leave me be." It had really been over. She stayed away from him and from the Alchemy rooms. When they passed in the halls, Lily looked through him as though he didn't exist.

Whether Lily looked away or looked through Severus, James Potter was always watching. If Severus did catch Lily's eye, Potter would throw out a nasty comment about him keeping his eyes where they belonged and that comment would precipitate another nasty confrontation between him, James and more than likely Black. And as Lily had rightly said, he would say rude things to look good in the eyes of his friends.

/*/

Severus and James Potter had had many confrontations throughout their years at Hogwarts. Most of those confrontations because of Lily. However, after Lily had really ended their relationship for good, Potter seemed to calm down. Rather than pick at Severus every chance he got, Potter used his time and energy to act the arse on other students and shag Bettye Macomber in the interim.

/*/

But here was Severus on the day before graduation, standing in their room holding Lily in his arms not caring about anything else. Severus kissed the top of Lily's head and she looked up at him. Severus had taken his chance and kissed her on the mouth and Lily had rubbed herself against his erection as she kissed him back. He would not waste this opportunity. From there, Severus had made short work of his and Lily's clothes. He had laid Lily down and made love to her with both his dick and his mouth. He was leaving her and couldn't stand it. Severus knew Lily's body better than James Potter ever would. It was one of Severus' most fervent hopes that Potter would never know her body at all.

In no time they were writhing in their sexual pleasure whispering things they both knew would never come to pass unless…... No, they would never come to pass. Severus was involved with the Death Eaters in training and she, she would probably end up marrying James Potter.

After they made love, Lily rested her head on Severus' chest and whispered, "I was willing to beg you to take me away from here Sev even knowing it could not happen. I have to move on and will probably marry, but know one thing, you are the wizard who should be at my side for the rest of my life and when you are rutting about with other witches you will think of no one except me."

Severus felt the warm tears which were landing on his chest and moved to bring Lily's face up to his.

Lily pulled away from him and remarked, "Just remember when you have become some ghastly Death Eater doing Merlin knows what, I loved you Sev. I could have loved you forever. Now it's time for me to leave. I have been chosen to give a congratulatory speech to the graduates tomorrow and I need to go prepare. Think of me sometimes Sev. Will you?"

Then Lily had slipped out the doors and was gone.

/*/

Severus Snape laid in the bed where he had shared the happiest moments of his life and held back tears. His first and last chance at love had just walked out the door. He would never love another. When he rose from their bed, he had cursed it to smithereens and headed back to the Slytherin dorms where every first through fifth year in his path had felt his wrath. Then he had prepared himself for graduation.

For Severus, the graduation was nothing more than a formality. He had only sat through the rubbish to get one more look at Lily and she had looked so beautiful his eyes had feasted on her. As soon as Lily finished her speech, Severus had left the Great Hall for what he thought would be the very last time. For him, seven years had been enough. He'd had enough of the students, professors and classes to last him a lifetime. He was on to life. There wasn't any reason to remain in this Merlin forsaken place one minute longer.

As Severus walked out the side door, he had ripped off his graduation robes and had thrown them to the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Avery and Mulciber do the same thing. They had laughed and clapped each other on the back on the way to the gate.

Avery stepped through the gate first giving Mulciber the chance to comment, "We were of the mind you would let the Mudblood slut turn your head. For a bit, it seemed as though you would choose her over the Dark Lord. Good choice then mate. Let's get to the meeting."

Severus had been caught off guard at Mulciber's words, but had laughed them off. "A Mudblood wench is only good for one thing, if you don't count killing her. I've gotten that one thing so what more is there?"

Mulciber guffawed. "You said it Severus. What more is there?"

Severus thought he and Lily had kept their relationship well hidden. Obviously they hadn't hidden it well enough. Like Potter, his mates had probably known all along.

Severus felt a small pang of regret. He had just referred to Lily as a Mudblood again, but what else could he have said? Severus Snape was going to be a Death Eater and had to toe the line and even though it meant giving up Lily, that's what he would have to do.

**End Note:**

I've had this written for a while. I like it, but I'm writing it for you reader. Let me know what you think. If you don't like it, I will pull it.


	2. Lovers Orders And Another Secret

**This is the story of Severus Snape.**

All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated **M** for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

**Previously on The Years Of Decisions 1: Hogwarts Secrets**

As Severus walked out the side door, he had ripped off his graduation robes and had thrown them to the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Avery and Mulciber do the same thing. They had laughed and clapped each other on the back on the way to the gate.

Avery stepped through the gate first giving Mulciber the chance to comment, "We were of the mind you would let the Mudblood slut turn your head. For a bit, it seemed as though you would choose her over the Dark Lord. Good choice then mate. Let's get to the meeting."

Severus had been caught off guard at Mulciber's words, but had laughed them off. "A Mudblood wench is only good for one thing, if you don't count killing her. I've gotten that one thing so what more is there?"

Mulciber guffawed. "You said it Severus. What more is there?"

Severus thought he and Lily had kept their relationship well hidden. Obviously they hadn't hidden it well enough. Like Potter, his mates had probably known all along.

Severus felt a small pang of regret. He had just referred to Lily as a Mudblood again, but what else could he have said? Severus Snape was going to be a Death Eater and had to toe the line and even though it meant giving up Lily, that's what he would have to do.

The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 2: **Lovers, Orders and Another Secret**

Severus glanced around the meeting room and for the first time in his life he felt he was where he was supposed to be. He was among those who considered him their equal. More importantly, he was considered one of Malfoy's boys and that carried some weight as Lucius Malfoy held a very important position in the hierarchy of those who followed the Dark Lord. Severus was even more enthused as it was he who held the highest position with Lucius, the others being acceptable choices.

As Severus glanced around the room a second time, Lily crossed his mind and for that quick second a feeling of loss coursed through his body. His lovely Lily. The witch he would never have. Then Lucius was addressing him and Severus had snapped to attention with a quick answer on his lips.

They were being sent away. Even though they had just graduated, Severus along with the other Death Eater trainees were being sent to Bulgaria for training. Lucius made it clear that he expected great things from them and where Severus would be charged with seeing that everything went as supposed.

Severus had felt all eyes on him as he was being given the top spot and returned each glance with a smug look of his own. He would be in charge and they were to follow his orders.

"I do not plan to keep you tied down," said Severus. "We are going to Bulgaria to practice our art and become proficient in those things which we will use to bring down anyone who opposes us. We will learn well and make Lucius proud, but with that said, I will also mention I will not tolerate any foolishness."

Mulciber, Dolohov and Avery looked quickly at each other. Severus Snape, the wizard who chose to fuck a Muggleborn was going to be in charge, but none dared question either Lucius or Severus only nodding in agreement.

"Well said Severus," Lucius replied. "We are finished here so get on with it."

So straight from graduation the group was sent to Bulgaria where for the next two years they were allowed to run rampant before being called back to London by the Dark Lord.

/*/

One of the first things Severus heard when he returned to London in mid summer 1979 was that Lily had married James Potter. The next thing was that the Potters and the Longbottoms were part of a vocal group which had been trying to thwart the Dark Lord at every turn and he was considering taking measures against them.

Initially, Severus had been pissed off to learn that Lily had actually married the Potter coward and in a fit of pique had vowed not to lift a finger in her defense should the Dark Lord really go after her. As far as the Longbottoms were concerned, they meant next to nothing to him so Severus cared little that the Dark Lord had them in his sights.

Severus remained angry with Lily until the day the Dark Lord sent for him. "I have a job for you. The Potter's, Longbottoms and a few others believe they are smarter than me Severus. They are recruiting wizards to stand against me and they have set ambushes for my younger Death Eaters. They continually try to defy me and I'm beginning to lose patience where they are concerned. I have more pressing matters which need my attention, but you will keep watch on them for me. Right now they are just annoying little nothings, but if they step out of line one more time, you are to get rid of the lot and while you are at it, I want to know what Albus Dumbledore is up to."

/*/

No matter how angry Severus was with Lily or how he referred to her in Death Eater company, he did not want to see her dead. Never dead. She was the only witch he'd ever loved and if not for the fact of birth, she'd have already been his wife. He was very careful to keep his mind closed around the Dark Lord, but he made a mental note to get to Lily to warn her.

Severus went about his duties as he had been ordered and one night skulking around the Hogs Head, he had become privy to a strange prophecy about the Dark Lord given to Dumbledore by some old crone. He had been caught and thrown out of the establishment, but not before realizing the prophecy meant trouble for the Dark Lord.

Severus had gone directly to the Dark Lord and reported what he had heard. The Dark Lord had been pleased with Severus and had raised him to almost as high a position as the older Lucius Malfoy.

Though Severus was receiving accolades from the Dark Lord, Lily was still on his mind so whenever he was alone he tried to figure out how to get to her.

/*/

Lily and James Potter were usually together. Severus had watched them from afar, but never had the chance to get her alone. He had studied the couple and it seemed that something was off. James didn't hold Lily's arm when they walked and neither did Lily seek James' arm when they were together. This was supposed to be a couple in love, but it seemed more like two people in a relationship who didn't want to be there. Lily smiled and interacted with Sirius Black more than she did with Potter. The more Severus watched, the more convinced he became that one of the two wanted to be somewhere other than in the marriage they were in.

On one occasion after seeing them together, Severus thought, you got what you asked for Mrs. Potter. How does it feel? It must be so much better than being….. Severus hadn't finished his thought. It wasn't Lily's fault they weren't together. He had made the choice. He had chosen the Dark Lord.

Severus' chance came one day in mid October when he saw Lily alone. She had just parted from the Longbottom woman and had stood looking around as though waiting for someone. Severus had apparated to an alley close to where Lily stood. He had stepped out, touched her arm and immediately apparated them to Spinner's End.

Lily had her wand out as soon as they landed and would have hexed him good and proper if he hadn't thrown up a shield. When Lily realized it was Severus, she had lowered her wand….and smiled.

Severus let down his shield and strode across the room to….to …to what?

Lily stepped back. "What are you thinking Sev? I'm a married witch."

Severus stopped in his tracks and spit, "Yes, that's right. You are married to the wonderful James Potter. Are you not? Is the scoundrel still chasing after Bettye Macomber when you aren't watching? How could you have married him Lily? Even the dog Sirius Black would have made a better husband than Potter."

Lily growled, "Stop it Sev. You're being mean and spiteful. James chose me to be his wife and he hasn't seen Bettye Macomber since Hogwarts."

Severus replied, "My name is Severus. You are the only person I've allowed to call me Sev, but that was before you decided to marry Potter. As far as Bettye Macomber goes, I find it hard to believe you don't know she finds herself under the oh so excellent James Potter several times a month."

Lily bristled at his words, "What James does is none of your concern. Telling tales on him will not change anything. If you are so upset with me and James, why am I here? What do you want _Severus_?"

Severus turned his back so he wouldn't have to look into her beautiful green eyes. "I took a great risk to find you and tell you that the Dark Lord is watching you, your husband and the Longbottoms. He has said you are to be killed if you keep trying to undermine him. I am the one he has chosen to keep an eye on the four of you and I am to kill all of you if any of you step out of line again."

Lily screamed as she sank to the floor, "You are the one who will kill me? Why didn't I see this coming? The great Death Eater Severus Snape has been charged with killing me. Well kill me then _Severus_. Do your job. Kill this Muggleborn and be done with it."

Lily was sobbing as she finished her tirade.

Severus turned back to the witch he loved, walked over to pick her up off the floor and wrapped her in his arms. "Stop crying Lily. I've told you this to make you aware of what is going on. I'm trying to keep you from coming to any harm, but you must stop whatever you are doing against the Dark Lord. Let someone else play the hero. I'm asking you to step aside."

Lily continued to cry. Severus was not a stupid wizard and he'd known Lily since before Hogwarts. Something else was wrong.

He lifted her up and carried her over to the couch. "Look at me Lily. Tell me what's wrong."

"It's a mess Sev. James has always had his suspicions about us and one day he made me admit that you and I dated at Hogwarts. After my admission we had a fierce row in which he accused me of messing about with the filthy Slytherin bastard and how he was the cuckold for taking used goods. He was so angry and scary that day. I think the only thing that prevented him from hurting me was the appearance of Sirius and Remus at the door. Neither Sirius or Remus commented on what was going on, but they had taken James away from the house. After that, James turned cold. I'm not sure he loves me anymore. On top of our marriage problems, I hate we are involved with this Order of the Phoenix thing. I know it sounds like treason, but there are so many wizards and witches who hide away and won't lift a finger. All the fighting has been left up to little more than a dozen of us who are dying while others are hiding. I'm a brave witch Sev, but I'm already tired. All I ever wanted was a safe, peaceful life with a wizard who loved me. I could have married you if I wanted to be hunted by Death Eaters."

Severus had blocked out almost everything after Lily said, I don't think James loves me anymore. He reached out to move her hair back from her face and snapped. "If Potter isn't treating you right, leave him and then leave the country. I'll help you. I'll go with you. We can be together."

Lily laid her head on Severus' shoulder. "It's not that simple. When I married James, it was for life no matter what came about. Your suggestion has come two years too late. My life is here. I can't just up and walk away."

Severus kissed her on the top of her head. "Yes you can Lily."

"I've missed you Sev. Even though I'm married to James, I sometimes want to vomit during those few times he touches me. I know he's seeing a witch. He comes to me smelling of a perfume. Even after a shower, he smells of her perfume." Then she had burst into tears again.

Severus growled, "I'll kill that tosspot myself. The Dark Lord will not have to do it."

Lily was crying in earnest now and Severus lifted her face and kissed her. Lily wrapped her arms around her first love and kissed him back.

This was all the invitation Severus needed. He put his hands in her long, red hair and covered her mouth with his. Lily reached out and began to stroke him and his dick hardened at the touch of her hand and he groaned, "Lily, my love. We have started something and I don't think I can control myself."

Lily moaned against his chest as he spread her legs, reached inside her knickers and used his fingers to draw liquid from her pussy which he then put to his mouth. He threw the front of her skirt to the side and began to pull at her knickers, but Lily stopped him.

"Sev, we can't do this."

Severus groaned again, "We can and we will. You were mine before you were his. You loved me before you married him. Do you want me to stop Lily? Do you really want me to stop? Tell me now while I'm still in my right mind."

Lily whispered, "I want you to make me feel like I'm back in fifth year without anything other than transfiguration homework to concern me. Take me back to the time when the future had yet to be determined."

Severus waved his wand and widened the couch as he mumbled, "If that is your wish, close your eyes and I will make it so."

Lily held tightly to Severus and he had her undressed in a matter of seconds. He was so aroused he fumbled at buttons trying to get out of his trousers. Severus made love to Lily in his robes.

As soon as he had pushed into Lily she began to moan his name and tell him how much she missed him. Her words and her thrusts drove Severus to heights of passion he hadn't felt since he had been with her at Hogwarts. He pounded into her and Lily raised up to thrust back into him. They were so wet Severus had to lift Lily's legs to remain inside her. He felt her tense up and come three times before he withdrew himself from her.

After they finished, he had slipped off her blouse so he could suck her perfect breasts. It had been such a long time he couldn't stop. Severus went from one breast to the other until Lily was ready to receive him again.

Afterwards, as they laid side by side, he told her something he had only whispered in the darkness of the Alchemy rooms. "I love you Lily and I always will."

Lily snuggled into him and closed her eyes as Severus raised up on one elbow to gaze at her.

She opened her beautiful green eyes and sighed, "We were meant for each other Sev. I think we both knew that from the first day we met at the swings, but your bloody master came along and changed everything." Then she had closed her eyes.

Severus watched her while he thought about her words. Had it ever been as simple as marrying the witch he had met at the swings? He didn't think so. From the day he was born to an abusive father and a weak mother, it seemed that his path had been ordained. He would always attach himself to the side with the power.

Things had been bright between he and Lily right up until they turned eleven and started at Hogwarts. Then they had been sorted and truth be told, the first crack in their friendship began to form. He had been sorted into Slytherin and she into Gryffindor and the die had been cast. He couldn't visit the Gryffindor common room to sit with Lily nor could he take her out on dates or sit with her at lunch or out in the yards because their houses had always been at odds. He had been a Slytherin and she had been a Gryffindor. They never had a chance. Not with the state of the wizarding world.

/*/

Severus who had learned to always be on guard would not let himself fall asleep. He had to stay prepared, in case. He ran his fingers through Lily's hair and continued to watch her.

Severus let Lily sleep for an hour before he kissed her awake. She had been ready for him again and they had made love twice more. Finally, the time he dreaded had come. It was time for them to get back to the real world of Mrs. James Potter and Severus Snape, Death Eater.

Lily left the room to wash up leaving Severus sitting there on the couch without trousers and his dick hanging down. When she came back into the room, Lily had one more surprise. She kneeled down between Severus' legs and took him in her mouth. Severus threw his head back and began to move in time with Lily. He groaned as he climaxed and watched as his liquid dribbled from her mouth.

Severus had grabbed her and removed the knickers she had so recently put back on. He licked and sucked until she was screaming. She had come, but Severus continued licking until all the throbbing had stopped.

While they laid there catching their breath, Severus again raised up on his elbow and kissed her mouth. "You've never taken me in your mouth before. Thank you Lily."

Lily smiled. "I figure that this is the last time I will ever get to be with you. I don't want you to ever forget this Muggleborn witch."

"I remember every minute of every time we were together. Leave him Lily please. You belong to me. We belong together. I'll see that you get to the States or Canada and we can be together."

Lily smiled as she touched the face of her first love. "I can't Severus. I have already broken my vows by being here with you. It doesn't matter what James gets up to. I am his wife and should carry myself in the proper manner. Today got away from us, but it can't happen again. I married James when you didn't want me and I will remain with James."

Severus paced the room. "Don't you dare say I didn't want you. I've always wanted you. I won't let you go back to him. I won't. He doesn't deserve you."

Lily didn't answer. She adjusted her clothing and with her back turned to Severus stated, "I love you Severus, but this cannot happen again. We have made our choices, now we have to live with them. Thank you for the warning. I will find a way to pass it on, but we are the saviors of the wizarding world and we'll never stop fighting against Voldemort. What will be, will be." Without looking back, Lily had walked out the door and apparated away.

Severus returned the couch to it's normal size and sat down to savor the hours he had spent with Lily. Once he pulled himself together, he had apparated to the Dark Lord's headquarters to pick up his orders.

The Dark Lord did have another set of orders for him. Important orders. Severus was to secure a teaching position at Hogwarts with the ultimate goal being one of spying on Albus Dumbledore. Severus felt pride in the fact the Dark Lord had chosen him little knowing it was his delivery of the Prophecy which precipitated all that was to follow.

/*/

Four weeks after her meeting with Severus at Spinner's End, Lily Potter realized she was pregnant. She never failed to use contraceptive charms with James because they had agreed not to bring a child into this uncertain world. As hard as it was for Lily to admit to herself, she knew the baby belonged to Severus. It was the only time she had sex and did not use the contraceptive charms.

Lily vowed that Severus could never know. If he ever found out she was carrying his child, there wouldn't be anything that could stop him from claiming her and his baby including killing James. She had made the mistake and would deal with it in her own way.

Lily sighed to herself. "My mother always said, "One lie begets another" and mother was so right. I find myself in the unenviable position of having to lie to my child about his father and to my husband about his son. It is my most fervent hope that at some point I will be able to tell my child the truth about Severus and let him make his own decisions, but I have doubts that will ever happen. One thing is certain, I will only ever tell one other person about Severus and I will have it down in the books that my husband James Potter is the father of my child.

And Lily had pulled out quill and parchment to write to Albus Dumbledore. Albus had told her numerous times to come to him if she needed help. Lily needed help and Albus could fix almost anything. Surely he could help her keep her secret.

Thank you for reading. Reviews are welcome.


	3. In The Hands Of Albus

All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated **M** for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

**Previously on The Years Of Decisions 2: Lovers Orders And Another Secret**

Four weeks after her meeting with Severus at Spinner's End, Lily Potter realized she was pregnant. She never failed to use contraceptive charms with James because they had agreed not to bring a child into this uncertain world and as hard as it was for Lily to admit to herself, she knew the baby belonged to Severus. It was the only time she had sex and did not use the contraceptive charms.

Lily vowed to herself that Severus could never know. If he ever found out she was carrying his child, there wouldn't be anything or anyone that could stop him from claiming her and his baby up to and including killing James. She had made the mistake and would deal with it in her own way.

Lily sighed to herself. "My mother always said, "One lie always begets another" and mother was so right. I find myself in the unenviable position of having to lie to my child about his father and to my husband about his son. It is my most fervent hope that at some point I will be able to tell my child the truth about Severus and let him make his own decisions, but I have doubts that will ever happen. One thing is certain, I will only ever tell one other person about Severus and I will have it down in the books that my husband James Potter is the father of my child.

And Lily had pulled out quill and parchment to write to Albus Dumbledore. Albus had told her numerous times to come to him if she needed help. Lily needed help and Albus could fix almost anything. Surely he could help her keep her secret especially if it was _for the greater good_.

**The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 3: In The Hands Of Albus**

Albus Dumbledore hadn't blinked an eye when he received Lily's plaintive missive. Not much got past him and he had been quite aware of the relationship Lily and Severus had shared while at Hogwarts. And most naturally he had also been aware that James Potter was interested in Lily as well. After all, it had been he who had to interfere many times to keep James from hexing Severus or the other way round. Albus was also aware of the path Severus had chosen and had high hopes Lily Evans could turn him to a different path. Alas, when all was said and done it seemed even the witch Severus loved above all else could not deter him from following the path which led to the dark side.

Albus mulled over the facts. Lily had been indiscreet which had resulted in a pregnancy and she was sure the baby belonged to Severus. Albus sighed. Of all the messes Lily could have found herself in, why this? Lily was right to worry. She had involved herself with two of the most hard headed wizards to ever have passed through his doors. If Severus ever found out Lily was pregnant with his child there wouldn't be anyone in the wizarding world who could stop him from claiming what was his including James Potter. Yet, by the same token if James Potter found out the truth, he would not stop until he killed Severus and perhaps Lily as well. This was a secret which had to be kept for the sake of all involved and he, Albus Dumbledore would do his very best to see that neither James nor Severus ever learned the truth.

For several seconds after he made his decision, Albus thought about the baby. The child. How would the child of Severus Snape fare growing up as the child of James Potter? Albus could only hope that the Evans genes dominated the Snape genes, but if that wasn't the case there were things he could and would do.

Albus finally finished his deliberations and sent a message back to Lily.

_Lily,_

_So nice to hear from you. I know you and James have a busy life, but if you have a free moment please come visit your old Headmaster. I would love to sit and have tea._

_Yours, _

_Albus Dumbledore._

Knowing that the future had been indelibly set in stone, Albus sighed again as he asked Fawkes to deliver his message to Lily.

/*/

James had smiled when Lily told him she was pregnant, but the smile never quite reached his eyes. There weren't any recriminations or pointing of fingers, but Lily realized a baby was the last thing James wanted. They had already discussed children. Whether it was really because of the war or whether it was because he was seeing Bettye, she didn't know, but they would have to make do because she was pregnant and there was a baby coming.

/*/

Initially, James had been ready to tear his hair out. A baby? What the fuck? He and Lily were supposed to be taking precautions and Lily had messed up. He had made it clear that he didn't want any children until the wizarding world had settled down if then. Now there they were, pregnant.

James had whined to Sirius and Remus, but they both had told him to get a hold of himself, stop fucking his side witch and get used to the fact he would be a father. And with nowhere else to turn, James had done what was right. He had turned back to Lily realizing the pregnancy was something that couldn't be changed or altered and something he had to adjust to. He had no choice.

As Sirius and Remus had suggested, James decided to make Bettye Macomber a part of his past even though he had been feeling for a long time that Bettye would have made him a better wife than Lily. It was the one time James Potter had cursed his dick for making such a quick choice.

/*/

One thing did become clear to Lily as she advanced into the pregnancy. James had given up Bettye Macomber and it seemed he was going to make a concerted effort to be a good husband and father. There was nothing else to be done and Lily had adjusted herself to life with the wizard she'd married and without the wizard she loved.

/*/

It was around this time Severus noticed that the Dark Lord was able to give him more information about Lily and James Potter than he himself knew. The Dark Lord even questioned why Severus didn't know as much when the Potters were supposed to be his assignment. Severus didn't have an answer. It was true he held back many things he found out about Lily, but for the Dark Lord to know so much he had to be getting information from another source. This made Severus wonder if someone pretending to be Lily's friend was also reporting to the Dark Lord. The fact someone else could be reporting on Lily had worried Severus until….. until he found out Lily was pregnant.

Severus found out about Lily's pregnancy by accident. It had come up in a Death Eater meeting where Rosier had made a joke about the mud blood procreating her species. Severus had been half listening until he heard the name Potter. Although he kept his head down as though reviewing some document, he ears had been honed in on every word of Rosier's conversation. Lily Potter was pregnant and Rosier thought it would be bloody fun to push into the stinking, pregnant mud blood slit and show her what was what.

Although he wanted to kill Rosier, Severus maintained his cool, calm exterior and had only looked up when Rosier addressed him directly.

Severus snarled, "You may have time to discuss what you would do with a mud blood slit, but the Dark Lord has assigned me a task and I'm trying to familiarize myself with details. If you want to get the mud blood, get her, fuck her, but leave me out of it. The Dark Lord trusts some of us to do his bidding."

Rosier backpedaled. "No need to get touchy Severus. I was just having a little joke."

"Then I suggest you have your little joke somewhere else Rosier. I have the means to get my own witch, a real witch and I don't need to hear what you would hypothetically do to a piece of shit mudblood. My orders from The Dark Lord are important and I don't need your fucking load of bullshit interrupting me."

Rosier was cowed by Severus' fierceness and made no reply. However, on the way out he chanced a whisper to Avery. "It would seem that the favorite on does protest too much."

Avery had quickly looked around to see if Severus had heard and lowly growled, "You are an arse Rosier. Are you willing to let Severus suspect you are talking against him? Keep talking like that if you want to die, but leave me out of it," and he hurried away trying to put as much distance between himself and Rosier as possible.

/*/

When Severus was finally alone, for one brief second he thought about his and Lily's afternoon together and wondered. What a ridiculous thought. Then he had gone into a fit of rage where he washed his hands of Lily Potter. She was having a child with that fucking wanker James Potter and he would not touch her again if she splayed herself naked in front of him.

That night, Severus led three raids which left several muggles near death.

A week later, Severus, Bellatrix and several other Death Eaters had the chance to kill James Potter and Sirius Black once and for all, but had been thwarted by the arrival of Alastor Moody, Frank Longbottom and Gideon Prewitt and Severus had barely managed to escape with his life.

That particular battle had been nothing more than a skirmish to Severus, but Bellatrix had taken it more personally and within the next two weeks she and Antonin Dolohov had seen to the Prewitts. Bellatrix had also tried to kill Moody, but he had given her what for and she'd come limping back to the lair vowing further vengeance.

The skirmishes had driven Bellatrix to her ends and she vowed not to stop until she had her revenge on them all.

/*/

It was different for Severus. No matter what he had said while in a rage, he still tried to keep up with of Lily. In March of 1980, Severus had come across her and Potter while he was out on business. Lily looked lovely with her protruding stomach. She was even more beautiful in her pregnancy, but to Severus' dismay, James had his arm around Lily and they looked happy.

If his heart hadn't been hardened through and through the day he had heard the news about Lily, it would have broken in two looking at the witch he loved carrying another wizard's child. He promised himself then and there he wouldn't search her out ever again because it was just as Lily had said, they had made their choices and now had to live with them. With his hopes completely extinguished, Severus pushed Lily out of his mind for what he thought was for good and for all.

Severus had other worries. He was not making any headway with what the Dark Lord had ordered him to do. So far, Dumbledore had resisted his requests for a position at Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore had never been one to mince words and had told Severus straight out he didn't trust someone so closely aligned with the dark forces, but Severus had his orders from the Dark Lord and no matter how many times Albus refused him, he continued to apply for a position at Hogwarts.

/*/

In June of 1980, everything was taken out of Severus' hands by way of the very prophecy he had relayed to the Dark Lord. Severus had done his duty and reported what he heard directly to the Dark Lord and had unknowingly put Lily directly in harms way. The Dark Lord had determined it applied either to the Potter's or the Longbottom's as both couples were shortly expecting sons as had been declared in the Prophecy and each continued to defy him. For his own reasons, the Dark Lord pinpointed the Potter child and from that moment on, the Potter family had been marked.

Severus had been undone by his own words. When he realized the Dark Lord had marked the Potter family for death, he had gone so far as to ask the Dark Lord to spare the witch. The child was the target and Severus didn't care a whit for James Potter, but Lily still meant everything to him.

Although the Dark Lord agreed to grant Severus his wish, he denigrated Severus every chance he got for trying to protect a mud blood bitch going as far as to ridicule Severus with the fact that James Potter was shagging the mud blood every chance he got. Even so, Severus had gladly taken the Crucios cast on him as long as it meant the Dark Lord would spare Lily.

The day Severus found out the Dark Lord could not be trusted to spare Lily's life, he had prostrated himself at Dumbledore's feet asking for help and Dumbledore had agreed to help him…..for a price. The price Dumbledore asked was an unbreakable vow which called for Severus to work for the side of light AND protect the Potter family to the best of his ability. Because he wanted to save Lily, Severus had made the unbreakable vow with Dumbledore.

It was then that Severus began living a double life as a spy for the Dark Lord while spying for Dumbledore.

/*/

Dumbledore kept his word and had put Lily and James under a Fidelius Charm protected by a secretkeeper who would protect them for the rest of their lives. For added protection, Dumbledore had also cast an old magic Mother's charm on the pregnant Lily. The Mother's charm would protect Lily and the son she was carrying from almost everything even deflecting an Avada Kedavra and would remain in effect until the baby was two years old after which they would have to rely on the Fidelius. Dumbledore was confident that the Potter's were as protected as possible.

When the baby whom they named Harry was born on July 31st, he was automatically protected by the Fidelius Charm as well as the Mother's charm. Although Severus still hated James Potter and now his spawn, he was satisfied that the love of his life was safe once and for all. As far as Severus was concerned, The Dark Lord could do his worst.

/*/

In mid 1981, rumors reached Severus' ears that someone close to Lily was indeed feeding the Dark Lord information. Even though it had been he who had started the whole thing by reporting the Prophecy, Severus' conscience was clear as Dumbledore had everything under control.

A few months later everything changed. At one of his meetings, The Dark Lord announced he would soon have the opportunity to kill the Potter brat and if necessary anyone else who stood in his way. As The Dark Lord told it, one of his loyal followers would soon have the information he needed to find the Potters.

As soon as he could get away from the Dark Lord, Severus had gone immediately to Dumbledore to make a report. Dumbledore had again assured Severus that the family was safe, but promised he would speak to Lily and James to be sure everything was in order on their end.

Severus left the meeting place feeling better, but still a bit worried. The Dark Lord did not make idle chatter. If he said he had an inside source, then he had an inside source. All Severus could do was trust Dumbledore. And for a few more months, things had progressed swimmingly for Severus. The Dark Lord however, stayed in a constant rage and gave just about everyone a daily taste of his wand. His inside source hadn't come through.

Severus had thought to himself, inside source my arse as he didn't believe there was any one who could thwart Albus Dumbledore.

/*/

As the year 1981 was coming to a close, Severus had more to think about than the now common rage of the Dark Lord. He had classes and students to prepare for. Dumbledore had finally hired him as Potions Professor at Hogwarts to start the coming school year and he had finally completed the task The Dark Lord had given him.

Severus had continued his dual life telling the Dark Lord bits and pieces and then telling Dumbledore the other bits and pieces until Halloween night 1981. After classes, Severus had stopped in to The Dark Lord's meeting place to find it had been in an uproar all day. Severus didn't pay a lot of attention to what was going on because the Dark Lord had been completely out of his mind for the past week and had Crucio'd everyone at least twice including Severus, Bella and Lucius.

Severus only began paying strict attention when the Dark Lord began preparing himself to go on a raid which Severus found to be unusual. The Dark Lord usually left the dirty work to others. He seldom went on raids, but this night he was going and had made it known he would be going alone.

When Severus realized there really was an inside contact who had finally come through and the Dark Lord was going after Lily and her family, it had been too late to get to Dumbledore. The Dark Lord had ordered everyone to stay put while he was gone.

Severus was in a panic and had taken his first opportunity to send an emergency Patronus to Dumbledore begging that he get to Lily because someone had given her up and the Dark Lord was on his way to their house.

Severus waited for word of the raid, but none had come from the Dark Lord. When he couldn't stand it any longer, Severus announced he was going after the Dark Lord in case something had gone wrong insisting the other Death Eaters remain where they were.

Severus knew the Potter's lived in Godric's Hollow, but he didn't know the exact location because of the Fidelius Charm. Knowing the exact location hadn't been necessary because as Severus approached Godric's Hollow he could see where he needed to be. There was only one house lit up as though there was a charity ball in progress. The Potter's.

With his heart in his throat, Severus had flown directly into the carnage. He nearly tripped over the body of James Potter, but had stepped over it at the last moment. The stairs to the upper floor were destroyed so Severus had to apparate up and when he landed he heard Lily begging The Dark Lord to spare her son and had stealthily approached the room. Lily was standing between her son and the Dark Lord begging him to leave Harry alone, but The Dark Lord gave his final ultimatum. "Get out of my way mud blood. I've me the child. You are a pretty witch and there will be other children down the line. I do not want to kill you, but I will."

Lily screamed one more time for him to spare her son and take her instead.

"Enough," screamed The Dark Lord as he moved his wand up and down and called out, "Sectumsempra." Lily fell to the ground dying. The Dark Lord then turned his wand on baby Harry and called out, "Avada Kedavra."

Severus moved into the room as The Dark Lord cast the killing curse and had to jump back as the Avada rebounded off the child and hit The Dark Lord directly in the chest. When the spell hit him, The Dark Lord seemed to have been blown to bits. The only thing Severus saw was a wisp of smoke streak out of a broken window.

The child had been knocked out, but was none the worse for wear except for a bloody cut on his forehead. Severus wasn't worried about him. He had to get to work on Lily. There was only so much time to save her life and keep her from bleeding to death after being hit by Sectumsempra.

Severus was even more livid that The Dark Lord had used Severus' own spell on Lily, but he was thankful it hadn't been the Avada Kedavra and began to work on Lily to keep her alive. To reverse the spell was complicated and Severus had to concentrate deeply to ensure his counter curse worked. To be sure, Severus applied it twice.

Harry began to cry for his mother, but Severus ignored him continuing to work on Lily. He had been working for approximately five minutes when he heard the pop of apparition downstairs. Severus had no way of knowing who it was and began to murmur the counter curse in earnest. He hurriedly applied the counter curse one more time and the bleeding had completely stopped.

Lily's eyes opened and whispered, "Severus, my love." before passing out again.

Severus' work was done. From there, any skilled healer could bring her back to full health with very little damage. Lily and her child had done the unthinkable, they had escaped the Dark Lord's wrath.

After taking one last look at Lily, Severus had turned into apparition just as he heard someone softly call out, "Thank you Severus. I'll take it from here" and as he felt himself being pulled away, Severus looked directly into the blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore.

Thank you for reading. Reviews are welcome.


	4. What's Done Is Done

All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated **M** for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

**Previously on The Years Of Decisions 3: In The Hands Of Albus**

The child had been knocked out, but was none the worse for wear except for a bloody cut on his forehead. Severus wasn't worried about him. He had to get to work on Lily. There was only so much time to save her life and keep her from bleeding to death after being hit by Sectumsempra.

Severus was even more livid that The Dark Lord had used Severus' own spell on Lily, but he was thankful it hadn't been the Avada Kedavra and began to work on Lily to keep her alive. To reverse the spell was complicated and Severus had to concentrate deeply to ensure his counter curse worked. To be sure, Severus applied it twice.

Harry began to cry for his mother, but Severus ignored him continuing to work on Lily. He had been working for approximately five minutes when he heard the pop of apparition downstairs. Severus had no way of knowing who it was and began to murmur the counter curse in earnest. He hurriedly applied the counter curse one more time and the bleeding had completely stopped.

Lily's eyes opened and whispered, "Severus, my love." before passing out again.

Severus' work was done. From there, any skilled healer could bring her back to full health with very little damage. Lily and her child had done the unthinkable, they had escaped the Dark Lord's wrath.

After taking one last look at Lily, Severus had turned into apparition just as he heard someone softly call out, "Thank you Severus. I'll take it from here" and as he felt himself being pulled away, Severus looked directly into the blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore.

**The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 4: What's Done Is Done**

Severus felt exhilarated. He had saved Lily and she was now in the hands of Albus Dumbledore. Nothing else mattered.

Nothing else had mattered until Severus checked back at the Dark Lord's stronghold and found it in complete disarray. The Dark Mark had faded from the arms of the Death Eaters and they had taken it to mean their master was dead and had fled the house for parts unknown.

/*/

The empty house had given Severus time to sort out exactly what he had seen at Godric's Hollow. A baby had been the ruin of one the greatest dark wizards known to the wizarding world. It had seemed as though the baby was protected by some sort impenetrable shield. Severus knew magic, but he didn't know of any shield strong enough to repel the Avada Kedavra, but one had and now The Dark Lord had been undone. Severus knew Lily to be a strong witch and Potter had been decent as well, but the power he had seen emanating from that shield defied everything he knew about magic. How had Lily and James conceived such a strong and powerful son?

Severus' lip curled as he thought of James Potter's spawn and an awful thought crossed his mind. Why hadn't the little miscreant gone the same way as his father? With the Dark Lord gone and the Death Eater circle having dispersed to the corners of the earth, he and Lily could be together. However, with her son still alive he would also find himself saddled with the child which was unacceptable. The very last thing he'd do was raise the child of James Potter.

Severus stopped and acknowledged that these were foolish thoughts. Until every last Death Eater was caught or killed, it would still be dangerous for him and Lily to have a relationship. In fact, not knowing who else Sirius Black was in league with would make it dangerous for anyone to find out Lily was alive. Because she had been marked by The Dark Lord, she was also marked by the Death Eaters and if even one Death Eater was left free there was the possibility he and Lily would be hunted and killed if word of a relationship got out.

Severus knew Lily would not allow herself to be kept undercover. If he and Lily started anything, it would have to be above board or not at all. Severus could see his hope for a relationship fading away. He had given Albus his word he would teach Potions and that's what he would do unless Lily surprised him and agreed to leave Britain. If that was the case, Albus could kiss his Potions teacher goodbye and he, Lily and the child would make for parts unknown.

Suddenly, all thoughts of Lily and Harry sped from Severus' mind as he heard the pops of apparition and immediately apparated away as he heard someone call out "Accio wands. Auror Department. Stay where you are."

Severus made it out in time as he felt the magic of an anti-apparition spell being cast.

/*/

In the aftermath of the Dark Lord's disappearance, a number of his most loyal soldiers had gone on killing and cursing sprees apparently in the name of their master. Bellatrix had gone mad. She, Rabastan, Rodolphus and Barty Crouch, Jr. had sought out the Longbottoms as Bellatrix had promised. When they were done, Frank and Alice Longbottom lay crumpled on the floor of their kitchen muttering gibberish having been victims of numerous Crutiatus curses which had just about boiled their brains. Their son Neville escaped his parents fate having been in the care of his grandmother and Uncle Algie at the time. However, within hours of The Dark Lord's disappearance, most Death Eaters including Bellatrix were caught and sent to Azkaban. Many without a trial. Others who were smart and rich enough like Lucius Malfoy claimed they had been under the Imperius Curse and didn't have any knowledge of wrongdoing. Those witches and wizards escaped going to Azkaban and had returned to every day living unscathed.

Severus had himself been detained for a time, but through the testimony of Dumbledore he had been exonerated and allowed to retain his position at Hogwarts.

/*/

The unbelievable truth had all come out. The traitor was Sirius Black who had been James and Lily's best friend and secret keeper, but now stood accused of giving information over to the Dark Lord. Severus was astounded. Even though he hated Black almost as much as he had hated Potter, he couldn't even begin to imagine the piece of shit consorting with The Dark Lord. For that matter, Severus couldn't believe The Dark Lord would even allow the blood traitor Black in his proximity without killing him let alone conspire with him. The Ministry had to be wrong about this. Severus hated the wizard, but he knew loyalty when he saw it and Black had been loyal. In Severus' opinion the werewolf was a more likely suspect. In the end, Severus had shaken his head over the whole thing, kept his opinions to himself and agreed with the masses. Sirius Black was guilty and good riddance to him. Lily had trusted Black and he had turned on her. Severus thought if he had the bloody bastard in front of him he'd teach him a little something about friendship at the end of his wand and if the werewolf got in the way, he too would get a taste of the wand.

/*/

While the furor over Black went on, Severus tried to find out where Lily and her child had been taken and it was a devastated Severus Snape who was informed by Dumbledore that Lily had not survived.

For a moment, Severus was speechless at Albus' pronouncement. When Severus regained his power of speech, he had lit into Dumbledore and they had a vicious argument with Severus accusing Dumbledore, "Lily cannot be dead. I pulled her back from the brink of death. I saved her life. Even a first year healer could have done the rest. I demand to know where she is. You are hiding her from me. You have no right Albus. I love her. I will take care of her and if necessary I will care for Potter's spawn as well."

Dumbledore had heatedly replied, "You dare accuse me of improprieties because of your feelings? You are a Death Eater Severus. You are not allowed to have feelings. Lily is gone and her child has been placed with relatives. Get on with your life. You are one of my professors, concentrate on getting your classes in order. Now leave me."

And in a fury Severus had left Albus unwilling to believe he had truly lost the love of his life and in the privacy of his rooms he had ranted his grief. Severus was sure he had saved Lily. He was Severus Snape and he did not make those kind of mistakes. Lily had opened her eyes and called out his name. She had survived the curse no matter what Albus said. Therefore, the only possible answer was someone had intentionally let her die. Why? For what reason? To what end? Even Albus Dumbledore wouldn't be that cruel. That reasoning hadn't made any sense, so in the end Severus had put Lily's death down to nothing more than the ineptitude of some fucking healer. Then and there Severus promised he would track down the incompetent piece of shit who had let Lily die if it took him a year.

When Severus finally managed to calm himself, he knew he was furious not only because Lily hadn't been saved, but also because the curse which had killed her was one of his own making. It was he who had invented the Sectumsempra and it was he who would make sure the spell would never be used again completely forgetting about a notation made to a Potions book all those years ago.

As Severus was down in the dungeons ranting, Albus sat in his office agonizing over what he'd had to do. He had made some painful choices. Lily was alive, but he couldn't let her go back to her son or to Severus. He had used very powerful old magic to change everything about Lily. She was now a blue eyed, blonde named Janna with memories of living and being schooled in Wales. He had also left a loophole for the future which he didn't think would ever be used, but he had left it nevertheless.

Sighing to himself, Albus looked at the letter in his hand and spoke to the portraits on the wall. "It can only be done this way. I have done this for the greater good. Severus cannot be told that Lily is alive or Harry is his son. It won't do anyone any good. I do not believe Voldemort is dead. He has taken measures in the form of horcruxes in case of something just like this. I'm convinced Voldemort is somewhere licking his wounds and will return worse than ever looking to avenge himself against those who plotted against him. I'll need Severus when Voldemort returns and he cannot be encumbered with a muggleborn wife and a child. Lily and Harry were safe and that's the way it would remain."

/*/

Internally, Severus remained in a state and starting with November 1st the Potions students who had landed with Professor Snape in September 1981 left his classes feeling as though they had just met a demon and the demon had prevailed. The feelings of his students held no interest for Severus as he wasn't there to hold any hands. He preferred that they thought him a demon and from that day forward that's the way he kept it being especially vile to the Gryffindor simpletons.

/*/

Albus found out that Severus was in contact with almost every healer who had a license trying to find out which of them had let Lily die. Severus hadn't had any luck and when Albus crossly told him there was no one to blame for Lily's death implying it had come down to Severus' own spell. Then he and Severus had another vicious row that ended with Dumbledore telling Severus he had made a vow to assist him in bringing down Voldemort for good and all.

Severus had called Albus a dotty, old fool for thinking The Dark Lord would come back as he himself had seen him undone.

"You do not know your master as well as you might think," ranted Dumbledore. "Voldemort has his ways and he will be back and as agreed, you will be here to greet him when he returns. Put all this chasing healers aside. There isn't anyone to find."

Severus left the office in much the same state he had after their first altercation.

One of the portraits on the wall questioned Dumbledore. "Just how do you think it will turn out when Severus finds out what you have done?"

"Severus will never find out," Albus snapped back. "The magic I've used will not allow anyone to find out. You will do well to keep your thoughts to yourself or you will find your portrait locked in some storeroom never to be heard from again."

"You wouldn't dare," sniped Phineas Black. "Just where would you say my portrait has gone? You are a brilliant and powerful wizard Albus, but don't you dare threaten me. I'll have none of it," and Phineas Nigellus Black stomped out of his portrait.

It was done. Albus had done what he had to do and that was that. Phineas sometimes ran off at the mouth especially if it was to a favored Slytherin and he favored Severus, but Albus was sure his secret was safe as Phineas was more bluster than substance. However, if Phineas ever mentioned Lily to Severus he would find himself in the darkest realms of the old Alchemy rooms never to be seen again. To be sure.

/*/

The long and short of it was that Lily was still alive. Severus had indeed saved her and Albus had seen to the rest, but as soon as Lily had opened her eyes asking for Harry, Severus and James, in that order, he'd made a decision and hadn't given Lily a chance to ask a second time. He had immediately performed several spells known only to the oldest, most powerful wizards and in a flash Lily had no idea her name was Lily Potter. Under the direction of Albus Dumbledore she became Janna Southway a recent transplant from Wales who had been offered a late start position as Professor of the newly created Magizoology course at Hogwarts and was scheduled to start teaching after the winter break.

/*/

Janna had been introduced around to the other professors just before the break when she came in to get her classes set up. Janna met Sybil Trelawney the Divination Professor who had started the previous year and found her to be a bit peculiar, but being new Janna had given the strange professor the benefit of the doubt.

Janna had heard about Severus Snape the Potions Professor, but had yet to meet him. She was secretly happy she wasn't the only newly hired professor. Janna felt safe in the knowledge she would have others with whom she could share her fears and felt they would perhaps have things in common.

Janna was introduced to Professor Severus Snape at lunch of her first full afternoon and had immediately been repelled by his manner. He was a bad tempered, hateful wizard and she promised herself she would stay as far away from Professor Snape as possible.

/*/

Severus was formally introduced to Sybil Trelawney and Janna Southway at their first lunch. He never cared for Trelawney and never would. The other professor was a witch from Wales. Severus didn't think much of her either although she was attractive in a blonde sort of way. Severus walked away quickly after lunch because Miss Southway had unnerved him a bit. Something about her reminded him of Lily which was bloody silly. Severus decided to stay as far away from her as possible. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded of Lily on a daily basis.

When there was free time on the weekends, Severus would apparate to Spinners End to spend a few hours reliving the last time he and Lily had been together. He laid his head back against the couch and allowed himself to become sexually aroused at the thought of Lily. Severus kept returning to Spinners End on weekends for at least two years after Lily died and then one Sunday, he had finally locked the memories inside himself deciding to stop coming to Spinners End on the weekend.

/*/

As he had promised, Severus had as little to do with Janna as possible. He felt Magizoology was as silly as Divination, but during the holiday season in 1985 Albus asked Severus to assist Janna and Minerva with certain holiday tasks.

Severus had out and out refused. "Find someone else Albus. I'm not in a holiday mood."

Albus cautioned him, "You are the only professor who refuses to pitch in. I'm not asking you Severus. I'm telling you. Make yourself available at 7:00 tonight. You shall be helping Minerva and Janna with whatever tasks they set for you. For once Severus, try to act as though you are enjoying yourself. That will be all."

Severus snarled at every student he passed after leaving Dumbledore's office, but he made his appearance in the Great Hall precisely at 7:00 pm. Minerva asked him to help Janna place the fairy lights and mistletoe. He and Janna had gotten the fairy lights placed in record time and began to place a few sprigs of mistletoe here and there.

"And why pray tell are we placing mistletoe in a school for children," Severus asked waspishly?

Janna smiled as she raised up and kissed Severus on the cheek. "Mistletoe can be used by professors as well."

A witch had kissed him. Even though Severus knew better he felt as though he had cheated on Lily which drove him to snarl "Dumbledore suggested I would be helping you and Minerva with certain tasks. He never mentioned I would be manhandled. It seems you are capable of finishing this yourself Miss Southway and until you are invited, do not take liberties."

Severus had then flounced away leaving Janna standing there red faced.

Janna and Minerva finished the chores without saying too much to each other, but before Janna headed back to her rooms Minerva offered her thoughts. "You've done nothing wrong. Severus has been in a bad mood since he was born."

The two witches shared a quiet laugh before going their separate ways.

/*/

Janna was all for harmony and peace and didn't want to be on Severus' bad side even though she wasn't sure he had a good side. Therefore, she had taken it upon herself to visit his dungeon to offers her apologies.

She first went back to her own rooms to shower and freshen up before going to find him wondering why she had bothered because Severus didn't appear to be a wizard who appreciated a nice smelling witch. Nevertheless, she thought that underneath those layers of unfriendliness there might be a wizard she wanted to know better.

"Severus. May I come in? It's Janna."

Janna was in the wrong place. Severus's rooms were across the hall and down a few doors. She was standing outside his classroom.

Severus heard her calling, but chose not to answer. One thing Severus could not stand was a cheeky witch who did not know her place. When she stopped bellowing his name, he had stepped out into the hall to find her still standing at the doorway of his classroom. He had been caught.

Without looking at Severus Janna had asked, "Have I done something so terrible you would hide from me? I'm only here to apologize. I stepped out of line and I'm sorry. It won't happen again now that I know how much I repulse you. Have a good night Severus."

Frowning at the witch, Severus simply nodded.

Janna had been angry with herself all the way back to her quarters. Why did I kiss him on the cheek when he has made it clear he thinks me and my area of study are ridiculous? There is just something about him. I feel as though….. How stupid I'm being. I've never set eyes on him before Hogwarts. It's just odd. As surly and mean as he is, he makes my blood run hot. Hot blood or not, how she felt mattered little as Severus couldn't even stand to be in the same room with her.

/*/

Severus had sniffed the air after Janna left. It was as though Lily had just walked through. He could smell her favorite scent. He had smelled it a million times when they were together. Severus wondered what was happening to him. This was the third or fourth time Janna had evoked memories of Lily and it had his nerves on edge. The truth was he very nearly lost his composure each time he was in her company which usually led him to be his nastiest in hopes of driving her away.

"I'll get this sorted thought Severus. She was only trying to make amends to a colleague."

/*/

Several weeks passed before Severus approached Janna. She was standing with Minerva when he approached and asked to have a private word. Minerva smiled and glanced down at her feet as Janna moved away to speak with Severus.

As confident as Severus was, he found himself at a loss for words when he looked into Janna's baby blue eyes.

Janna had to speak first. "Is there something you need Severus?"

He took a deep breath. "This may be late in coming, but I want to thank you for coming down to the dungeons to seek me out. It wasn't necessary, but it was appreciated."

Janna looked at Severus and her next question just popped out of her mouth of it's own volition. "Have you ever lived in Wales? It just seems you are more familiar to me than just a colleague." Then she had laughed and quickly retorted, "I should mind my mouth. Thank you for coming to me Severus."

He'd never lived in Wales and wondered about the question. Then as Janna walked away, Severus smelled Lily. He was sure this time. He was smelling Lily. Why was a blonde witch from Wales evoking thoughts of Lily Evans? At one point Severus thought maybe he was becoming attracted to the witch and his mind was evoking Lily to keep that from happening. He loved Lily and had lost her twice. There wouldn't be any other witch for him, no matter what scent she wore.

The new year came and although he had made amends with Janna, Severus kept his distance. They nodded to each other in the corridors, but other than that they remained virtual strangers.

1986 wasn't all that much different from 1985 except that Janna had met a wizard while she was on holiday. Severus got a glimpse of him at one of the school events, but found himself annoyed that Janna was happy.

Their classes kept them on opposite sides of the castle and they really didn't see much of each other except for the occasional dinner. Additionally, Dumbledore had allowed Janna to take dinner in her rooms since she was so far away from the Great Hall.

Severus had settled back into his miserable attitude with a vengeance. Students had grown used to his ways and just did what they had to do to get through his classes. It was known throughout Hogwarts, if a student got through the first two years with Snape alive, they would get through the rest of the years with no problem.

/*/

The 1987-1988 school year brought with it a few changes. Dumbledore moved the Magizoology classrooms to the fifth floor directly above the charms corridor. The dunderheads came and went, but Severus had remained the same. Janna and her wizard continued to date and it still bothered Severus that Janna was happy. Severus didn't care a whit for Janna so he couldn't explain to himself why he was so annoyed. She was a silly witch who taught a silly subject and had nothing to do with him. However, thoughts of her happiness made Severus even more obnoxious to his students than usual.

And to make a hateful Severus even more hateful, quiet whispers about The Dark Lord had begun to circulate and he had been called to Albus' office.

"I've heard rumors Severus. I think the time is nearly upon us when we will see the return of Voldemort. You must keep your ears open and report back to me anything you hear. I would also ask that you specifically concentrate on your Occlumency and Legilimency skills. You will need to be at your best."

Severus bristled. "I remember our contract Albus. I am a Master Occlumens as well as a Master Legilimens. There is no reason to imply otherwise. If or when The Dark Lord reappears, I will be ready."

"Spying on Voldemort is not all that is required of you. Lily's son will be entering Hogwarts in a few years and as much as it pains you, you agreed to watch out for him as well."

The mention of Harry Potter angered Severus. "I have not forgotten all our vow entails. I will look out for the boy, but do not think I'll do it willingly. My concern was for Lily not the spawn of James Potter. In addition, I have an excellent memory so don't presume you have to remind me of my duties every other day."

Dumbledore snapped back. "Do not test me Severus. I will remind you as often as I think necessary. When Voldemort returns, your petty differences with a child who has done you no wrong will pale beside what your Master has planned for him. Leave me now Severus as your remarks have become tedious."

"Be well aware Albus that I have no Master," Severus growled on his way out. "I just have two devils who vie for my attention and just so you know, I am as tired of this tedious conversation as you."

Thank you for reading. Reviews are welcome. **Have a Happy, Safe and Healthy New Year.**


	5. Making Amends

All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated **M** for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

**Previously on The Years Of Decisions 4: What's Done Is Done**

Severus bristled. "I remember our contract Albus. I am a Master Occlumens as well as a Master Legilimens. There is no reason to imply otherwise. If or when The Dark Lord reappears, I will be ready."

"Spying on Voldemort is not all that is required of you. Lily's son will be entering Hogwarts in a few years and as much as it pains you, you agreed to watch out for him as well."

The mention of Harry Potter angered Severus. "I have not forgotten all our vow entails. I will look out for the boy, but do not think I'll do it willingly. My concern was for Lily not the spawn of James Potter. In addition, I have an excellent memory so don't presume you have to remind me of my duties every other day."

Dumbledore snapped back. "Do not test me Severus. I will remind you as often as I think necessary. When Voldemort returns, your petty differences with a child who has done you no wrong will pale beside what your Master has planned for him. Leave me now Severus as your remarks have become tedious."

"Be well aware Albus that I have no Master," Severus growled on his way out. "I just have two devils who vie for my attention and just so you know, I am as tired of this tedious conversation as you."

**The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 5: Making Amends**

Dumbledore continued to call Severus to his office off and on to remind him he should be keeping his ear to the ground regarding Voldemort and the Death Eaters who had escaped the clutches of the Ministry and every time he was called to see the Headmaster they ended up in a clash of words because Severus was following up and resented being summoned. He hadn't heard anything of value. What was he supposed to do? Everything he heard was a what if, a maybe or complete denials until Severus began to notice some peculiarities of Muggle Studies Professor Quirinus Quirrell.

Severus reported his suspicions to Albus who listened with a mild interest and ended up suggesting that Severus keep a closer watch on Quirrell but commenting that he was too timid to have anything to do with the Dark Arts. Severus hadn't argued with Albus because he agreed and all he was working with were theory and suspicion.

Severus did watch Quirrell and from time to time intimidated him just for the hell of it. He found certain things Quirrell did unseemly, but nothing concrete enough to bring to Dumbledore. And then the school year ended and a new year began.

/*/

In 1989, Severus began to hear what he considered concrete information regarding The Dark Lord. There had been some kind of conflict in Albania that had all the earmarks of Voldemort arising. Severus took the information to Dumbledore and was not surprised to find Dumbledore was aware of the news and had discreetly sent people to Albania to look around. They had come back empty handed, but reported that there was definitely something going on in the deep woods of Albania.

A few weeks later in June of 1989, Severus heard that Quirrell was going on a two month sabbatical to Albania. Professors were allowed to go anywhere they chose during the summer break so it wasn't out of line. The only problem was that Albus had plans for Quirrell which should have been discussed beforehand, but with Quirrell ready to set off immediately at school year there had only been time to advise the former Muggle Studies Professor he was being assigned the DADA classes when he returned. Quirrell had been fine with that and it was a seemingly content wizard who left Hogwarts in search of ….. knowledge.

Quirrell's journey brought him into the sharp focus of both Albus and Severus who discussed why Quirrell had chosen Albania when there so many other places he could visit. From then, it became Severus' main task to keep track of what Quirrell got up to.

/*/

As the school year 1989-1990 moved on, Severus watched Quirrell and his foolish, newly acquired turban closely. The timid wizard who had left Scotland in June had returned with somewhat of a backbone. He had even stood his ground the several times Severus tried to harass information from him.

During this time, Dumbledore made some strategic moves. He was now sure Voldemort was trying to return by any means necessary and had immediately contacted his friend Nicolas. After a heated discussion, Dumbledore had walked away from Nicolas Flamel with the Sorcerers Stone which he immediately placed in Gringotts for safe keeping. Dumbledore had then sent orders to Hagrid that he should keep an eye on the unicorns protecting them at all costs and report anything suspicious. That was all Albus could do for the time being.

Hagrid had questions, but the orders came directly from Albus Dumbledore so he had done exactly what was requested. He kept a good eye on the unicorns.

/*/

Since Janna's class and rooms had been moved to the fifth floor, Severus saw her much more than he had before, but they still didn't interact much so it had taken two or three times of seeing her before he realized something was off. She seemed to have lost her glow. It certainly wasn't his business, but Severus did wonder.

For Valentine's Day 1990, Severus and Janna along with Professor Flitwick had been selected as chaperones for the dance. Severus tried to remain on the outer edge of things to remain clear of the Mazizoology Professor, but part way through the night she had sought him out for a chat. Severus was caught and stood his ground as Janna approached.

"Lovely party isn't it Severus. The sixth years have outdone themselves decorating."

Severus' breath caught in his throat. Janna had pushed her hair back off her face and in doing so the smell of her hair wafted under Severus' nose. Then she had put a hand on either side of her head and used both hands to push her hair back.

Severus automatically stepped back because Janna had just used one of Lily's favorite mannerisms. It had been Lily's habit to run both hands through her hair at the same time and she had done it so frequently Severus had begun to tease her about it.

The scent, the mannerism. It seemed as though someone was playing their little joke on him and Severus didn't like it.

Severus hadn't answered Janna and she questioned him. "Have I angered you again Severus?"

Then Severus had a mad thought. The thought was so mad Severus felt foolish thinking it. However it was all down to Dumbledore and Severus knew anything was possible if the Headmaster chose to make it so.

Glancing at Janna Severus had finally replied. "You have not angered me Miss Southway and yes the students have done a decent job decorating the Great Hall. They should do as well with their studies."

"Smiling, Janna asked Severus to pass her a cup of liquid refreshment and as he handed it to her their hands touched. Janna thanked him and turned to survey the room. She hadn't felt anything, but Severus had felt…..something. The thought which had earlier crossed his mind was back. He wouldn't be able to leave the Hall until the dance was over, but his first stop was going to be the Headmaster's office.

/*/

Severus stood by as the students left the Great Hall growling if they dawdled. Finally the Hall was empty except for himself, Filius, Minerva and Janna. Severus spent several minutes getting the Hall back to normal before excusing himself.

/*/

Severus had been in the thick of things for a long time and was an accomplished wizard. He knew what could be done as long as the wizard was powerful enough and Dumbledore was that powerful and more.

With every step Severus took towards Dumbledore's office he had became more sure that someone had tricked him and that someone was Albus Dumbledore. Severus snorted as he climbed the stairs to Albus' office. He would wring the truth out of the old man if necessary.

Severus made his way to Dumbledore's office in record time knocking sharply and opening the door without waiting for an invitation. Dumbledore was standing when Severus opened the door looking as though he expected someone.

Severus stepped into the office and waited.

"I had a feeling you would turn up Severus," said Dumbledore as he invited Severus to have a seat while pulling out his Grand Pensieve.

Before dropping in the memory Dumbledore remarked, "This is the first of three memories I think you should see. If you cannot remain calm, this is the only memory I will show. Give me your word Severus that you will keep yourself under control? Do I have your word?"

Not sure of what he would be shown Severus nodded. "Get on with it Albus."

Haltingly Dumbledore volunteered, "This first one is my memory Severus. Do not think badly of me. I did what had to be done."

Severus looked into the Pensieve and feeling himself being drawn into the memory suddenly found himself back in 1981 and watched as his Pensieve self prepared to apparate away from Godric's Hollow the night he had saved Lily. He saw Dumbledore walk in, pluck Harry out of his cot then grab Lily. Severus watched as Dumbledore apparated Harry and Lily to a small room which appeared to be somewhere within Hogwarts. Dumbledore cast several spells over Harry which Severus didn't recognize and therefore couldn't discern what Dumbledore had done because the child remained just as he had before the spells including the large gash on his forehead.

The next scene showed Dumbledore handing Harry over to Hagrid with orders to guard the child with his life, get him to his relatives home in Surrey and wait for him there as he would be along shortly.

The memory changed and Severus found himself back in the small room with Lily and Dumbledore. Albus checked her over and performed the small acts of healing needed to bring her back to complete health.

Suddenly Severus found himself back in Dumbledore's office. "She's alive. I knew it. Where is she Albus? Where is Lily?"

Dumbledore raised his hand for quiet as he poured the next memory into the Pensieve. "These are Lily's memories. They will be hard for you to see, but I ask again that you remain calm. I need your word Severus or we cannot proceed."

Severus was trembling, but gave his word.

Dumbledore stood before pouring this memory into the Pensieve. "I will leave you alone to view this memory Severus."

Severus looked into the Pensieve once again. This time he saw himself and Lily at Spinner's End and trembling uncontrollably he watched as they made love and as Lily took him in her mouth for the first and last time. He relived their time together and their bittersweet parting. Then he watched as weeks later Lily went to the healer and found out she was pregnant. Severus watched as Lily cried and got out quill and parchment to write a letter to Dumbledore. The scene changed and Severus despaired as he watched Lily tell James they were pregnant.

Dumbledore seated himself back behind his desk.

"What have I just seen Albus? How is this pertinent to me? What does Lily's child have to do with me?"

Dumbledore gazed at Severus before answering. "Can you not think of any reason Lily would be crying over what should be joyous news? You have figured most of it Severus. Shall I go on? This is another of my memories."

Severus nodded his head and rasped, "Proceed Albus."

The last memory was dropped into the Pensieve as Albus beckoned Severus to step up.

They were back in the small room where Lily appeared to be sleeping. Severus tried to touch her, but it was a Pensieve memory and his hand had gone right through her. He watched as Dumbledore used powerful magic to change Lily into someone else. Dumbledore changed her body and her hair and her eyes. Suddenly Severus was looking at Janna Southway.

Severus ripped himself out of the memory and fell back into the chair. Janna Southway was Lily. So many things became clear. The scent. The mannerisms. The attraction Janna seemed to feel for him. It all began to make sense.

Severus sat motionless speaking stiffly. "Am I to believe that Lily's child is my child? Is that what you were showing me?"

Dumbledore handed Severus a letter and remained silent while Severus read it and then read it again. Lily had written:

_Dear Albus,_

_I have no where else to turn so I am turning to my mentor. I have done something unspeakable and I'm afraid more than one person will suffer for my folly. _

_You, of all people know how Severus and I felt about each other, but when it became clear he was determined to join those who follow Voldemort, I broke up with him. I broke up with him Albus, but I never stopped loving him. Be that as it may, I am married to James and have broken my vows. _

_Severus and I met at Spinners End and as a result, I am now pregnant with his child. I am writing to ask that you help me protect this secret. Severus loves me Albus. If he ever found out James was raising his child, he would go mad and probably end up killing James or perhaps even me. I don't want to hurt James or Severus nor do I want my child to be born a bastard. Therefore, I'm asking you to support my decision and protect my secret._

_In the future when I'm stronger and my child old enough, I hope to tell my son about his real father with Severus' permission, of course. At that time, I will take the lumps I'm sure will come. For now, let this be between us. _

_With affection,_

_Lily _

Severus looked up at Dumbledore and furiously asked, "You think it alright that I have lost the witch I love and the son I never knew about? You think this right or fair? Have you played Merlin yet again Albus? Everyone has had to dance to your tune for a very long time and you've always portrayed it as being for the greater good. Have you not? It is no matter to you who dies, is cast aside or just left lying in the dirt. If Albus Dumbledore has said it was for the greater good, no one ever questions any of it" and jumping up shouted. "YOU HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY LIFE."

"Stop being melodramatic Severus," replied Dumbledore. "I'm showing you this now so you will know. You still have a chance at life. Choose what you want to do and do it. I had choices to make and I made them. I needed to keep everyone safe. You know as do I that Voldemort has his ways and will someday return. In addition, even though he was caught at the scene, I have my doubts that Sirius Black is the guilty wizard who gave Lily and James over to Voldemort and massacred those people which leads me to believe the real villain may still be out there waiting to be reunited with his master and willing to have another go at Lily and Harry. If I had left Lily and Harry together, it would just be the same over again. Voldemort would come back, find them and kill them. As far as your son goes, there's not much I can do there. Lily chose to put James Potter down in the books as his father and we cannot change that. In case you don't realize it, you cannot tell Lily, excuse me, Janna any of this. This has to remain as it has been written down."

Severus' semi calm demeanor cracked. "How dare you stand there and tell me what I can and cannot have or what I can and cannot do. Lily is alive and I will have her. You've seen to it that eight years in which Lily and I could have had together have been lost. I will not stand here and debate my life. Lily is mine."

Dumbledore sighed as he sat down behind his desk. "I had hoped you and Miss Southway would come together without my assistance. That was not the case so I took a few measures, but your stubbornness wouldn't allow you see any of it. Sit down Severus. We have things to discuss."

Severus reluctantly sat facing Dumbledore and listened yet again to the wizard who would manipulate things to his way of thinking. "I cannot stop you from trying to court Janna since you now know she is really Lily, but I must insist you keep everything I've shown you in confidence. Janna can never be a mother to Harry as you can never be a father to him. It's done. You should concentrate on what is in front of you. Janna Southway is written down as a pureblood witch. She will be safe if you two marry and Voldemort does return. Do not waste time on what you lost Severus. Move forward and concentrate on what you have found. Another thing. In a few years, your son will arrive at Hogwarts as a hero, but he is being raised by Muggles and will have no idea what's what. It will be hard, but I ask that you help protect him from his enemies and he _will_ have them just by being who he is. I need you to promise me this Severus because there may come a time when Harry's life depends on it."

For several minutes all that could be heard in Dumbledore's office was several of the portraits clearing their throats.

Then Severus had broken the silence. "You have mapped out my life better than I ever could. You saw to it I didn't have a wife. You saw to it I couldn't have my son. You GAVE my son over to my worst enemy and then gave him over to Muggles. I understand some of it Albus. I am a reformed Death Eater and I evidently don't deserve any of the niceties life has offered others. What I don't understand is how you can now _suggest_ I take under my wing the son Lily kept from me and you gave to James Potter. He'll have grown up doting on that imbecile. What shall I be Albus, his long lost uncle?

"I'm not suggesting anything Severus. I'm telling you. No matter what has transpired, you are his father and need to protect your son. And don't sit there and tell me how much you love Lily then turn around and make disparaging remarks about the choices she was forced to make. You were a Death Eater. You had made your choice. You know if you and Lily had run away together there wouldn't be any place you could go where Voldemort and his group wouldn't have tracked you. Deserting your post would be tantamount to slapping Voldemort in his face. To your Master, any deserter deserves death. And if he found you with Lily? That's a thought I choose not to entertain. What was she to do? She had no other choice."

Severus bowed his head and lamented, "No matter what James Potter was doing it was wrong of us to copulate that day, but I loved her and wanted her so much. It doesn't change anything, but I asked her to go away with me even before she was pregnant. I wanted us to go to the States or Canada. I begged her, but she refused me and turned back to Potter even though she knew he was being unfaithful. Yes Albus, we made our choices, but I tried to correct mine and Lily still turned me down."

"We can go back and forth all night Severus, but nothing will change. The time for you to have asked Lily to go away with you was the day you realized you loved each other. Any day after that was too late. I will not sit here and apologize for what I've done or what Lily had to do. You know Janna's real identity so don't make the same mistake twice. If you want her, I have laid her before you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other business and you more than likely have parchments to mark."

Severus stood and was halfway to the door before growling. "We have made a vow. I will protect the boy if I must, but don't for one minute think I will entertain any conversations about the great James Potter. Do not forget it is Lily's wish that at some point in time he be told about his real father and it can only be done with my permission. We will revisit this in the future. Let's first see what kind of son I have. Goodnight Albus."

/*/

For the next several days, Severus had been in flux. Even his students had noticed, but not one dared comment or even admit they noticed a difference. Much to their chagrin, even though their Professor seemed out of sorts he did not fail to give loads of homework. Seeing the look on their faces made Severus feel a bit better.

Two days after his conversation with Albus, Severus was still sitting at his desk long after classes were over thinking about what he and Dumbledore had discussed. He had a son. No. He and Lily had a son. Actually, he and Janna had a son and that was the reason he was still sitting at his desk. So much had been lost because he had taken the wrong path, but as much as he ranted Severus realized it had all started to go wrong when he chose Lucius Malfoy's little circle instead of choosing life with Lily.

Then his thoughts had turned to Harry. He wondered if he and his son would have any kind of connection. But as Dumbledore had said, all was not lost. He and Janna could start a life…. without their son.

Then Severus thought about Janna. How could he even begin to get close to a witch he had rebuffed for the last six years. If she was still going out with the wizard she met on holiday, he'd have to find a way to end it. He hadn't yet figured out just how he could do it without being obvious or being told by Janna he had lost his chance. Just thinking about Lily, rather Janna, had put him off his game. Whatever was to be done, would have to be done in the correct manner.

Then an idea had taken shape in his mind. He would…. He didn't have to do anything. Janna was standing at his door looking perplexed.

"Hello Severus. Pardon my intrusion, but Professor Dumbledore thought you needed my help with something. So what is it I can help you with?

Severus stood up and invited her to have a seat which she had taken without hesitation and then sat quietly waiting for Severus to inform her of just what he needed.

Severus sighed and looked into the face of the witch he loved. "Before I ask any favors Miss Southway, I want to apologize for my lack of manners. I am a solitary man and oftentimes I act in a manner unbecoming a human being."

Janna had laughed. "I've seen my share of solitary men. Oh my. That came out wrong. I haven't had any share of men. Somehow I don't appeal to many wizards. I think I'm too forthright. The wizard I was seeing accused me of being a surface witch. I didn't know what he meant until he finally exploded. He seemed to think I made the appearance of enjoying our time together, but was really only marking time waiting for someone better. We had quite a row about that. I'm sorry Severus. I'm talking too much."

Severus assured Janna she wasn't talking too much. "I believe it is I who hasn't been talking enough. Suffice it to say, we are colleagues and I should have treated you as such. If you don't think it too forward of me, I would like to call you by your given name when we are on our own time."

Janna smiled so brightly her entire face lit up and Severus had to look away to keep himself from seeing Lily sitting in front of him.

"That's acceptable to me Severus. Does this mean you have forgiven me for my faux pas? I want to assure you I meant no harm and I have regretted my actions every day after as it put us on the wrong foot from almost the beginning. So, what is it you need from me?"

Severus had to quickly cast about to come up with something he could ask without looking like an arse. Damn Dumbledore. He could have given some warning.

Finally Severus remarked, "It isn't that important. I was thinking we could present a combined class. I would like to show my third years how some of the ingredients we use come from magical creatures."

Janna smiled again. "That would be wonderful Severus, but will you need me or do you just need a sampling of my creatures?"

"I'll need you," Severus quickly replied. Then realizing how that comment may have sounded, Severus followed up. "What I mean to say is that I will need your assistance if you are available."

Janna blushed deeply. "You may not have meant it that way, but that's the best compliment I've had in a long time. If you give me some idea of what you'll need, I'll have them ready. You are more than welcome to stop by my classroom to see what I have as well. I look forward to working with you."

Severus stood as Janna stood and bid her good night as she walked out the door. After she left, he had taken several deep breaths to calm himself. He smelled Lily and his body was in agreement. For the first time in a very long time, Severus Snape found himself with a Lily Erection which is what he called it when he got hard in her presence. Severus allowed himself a small smile as he thought how Lily would hit him across the arm growling that a Lily Erection was the only kind of erection he was allowed.

Locking his doors, Severus stepped into the shower, closed his eyes thinking about sex with Lily and took care of his erection by hand. It might sound farfetched to some, but Severus normally ignored an erection by thinking hateful thoughts which always managed to soften his dick.

In the past, he thought it disrespectful to Lily to be stroking his dick and calling out her name. Now that there was a possibility of him getting back with the witch he loved, it didn't feel disrespectful at all. It felt amazing.

Severus was still angry that Dumbledore had taken the steps he had, but was also truly thankful to get a third chance with Lily. Severus caught himself. He had meant a first chance with Janna.

Thank you for reading. Reviews are welcome.


	6. For Once In His Life

All things Harry Potter belong to JKR. Nothing but the story line belongs to me.

Rated **M** for language, subject matter some may find offensive and romantic interludes.

**Previously on The Years Of Decisions Chapter 5: Making Amends**

Severus stood as Janna stood and bid her good night as she walked out the door. After she left, he had taken several deep breaths to calm himself. He smelled Lily and his body was in agreement. For the first time in a very long time, Severus Snape found himself with a Lily Erection which is what he called it when he got hard in her presence. Severus allowed himself a small smile as he thought how Lily would hit him across the arm growling that a Lily Erection was the only kind of erection he was allowed.

Locking his doors, Severus stepped into the shower, closed his eyes thinking about sex with Lily and took care of his erection by hand. It might sound farfetched to some, but Severus normally ignored an erection by thinking hateful thoughts which always managed to soften his dick.

In the past, he thought it disrespectful to Lily to be stroking his dick and calling out her name. Now that there was a possibility of him getting back with the witch he loved, it didn't feel disrespectful at all. It felt amazing.

Severus was still angry that Dumbledore had taken the steps he had, but was also truly thankful to get a third chance with Lily. Severus caught himself. He had meant a first chance with Janna.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

**The Years Of Decisions: Chapter 6: For Once In His Life**

Severus now had to formulate a plan to get closer to Janna without seeming too forward, and to that end he had begun to religiously take dinner at the Professors Table often sitting next to Janna and holding a sporadic conversation. Severus found himself frustrated and annoyed on those nights when he entered the Great Hall to find the oaf Hagrid on one side of Janna and Flitwick on the other chattering in her ear. It was those times that had driven Severus to step up his game.

/*/

Janna didn't discuss her personal life at the dinner table so Severus couldn't glean from the conversation whether she and the wizard were still dating. It bothered and rankled him to think she might be lying with someone other than himself, but he found his chance to discuss things other than students and classes one day in March as he and Janna were setting up their first class with his third years.

"I'd like to thank you once again Janna for assisting me with this. I believe the little dunderheads might get something of value from the Potions/Magizoology class if they choose to do so, but we shall see."

"It's my pleasure Severus," beamed Janna. "I do hope the students find it useful."

This had been his chance and he took it. "It was kind of you to chaperone the Valentines Dance although it must have cost you a night away from the castle."

"A night away from the castle?" questioned Janna. "What would I look like traipsing about town on my own? What you must think of me. I had no plans for Valentines Day other than chaperone the dance which is what I did."

"My apologies for my careless words," said Severus. "It is not my affair where you go and what you do. I was not implying anything."

Janna sighed, "At some point in your life Severus, you will begin to recognize cheek."

Severus saw the conversation going in the wrong direction and had quickly answered back. "I simply meant that there are very few times during the year where we Professors are allowed a bit of freedom and I thought you and your wizard would take advantage of Valentines Day."

If Janna thought Severus was nosing, she didn't comment on it. She had simply explained the situation. "No Valentines gifts for me. The row I mentioned wasn't just any row. It was a breakup and walk away row. He walked away after telling me he wished me well, but would not play second fiddle to some unknown rival any longer. It's over and done between him and I. He is through with this surface witch and I have been a single woman for quite a while now."

Severus hadn't shown it on the outside, but his heart had buoyed with hope. "I'm sorry to hear that Li….Janna. He does not know what he lost," and Severus had pushed on. "Since you are a free woman, would it be too forward of me to invite you out during the next school break? Perhaps we could share a meal or visit an exhibition or two."

"I'd love that Severus," Janna replied. "Thank you for asking. I'm glad we're on better terms. From the first day we met, it seemed as though I had met you before. How silly is that? But I now have the chance to get to know you and I'm quite happy about that. The OWLS and NEWTS will be coming up shortly. Once they are out of the way, we can plan our date."

Janna blushed furiously as Severus smiled. "A date it will be then. I look forward to it."

From that day, he and Janna sat side by side at lunch and dinner. Even though they conducted themselves with the utmost decorum, most beings with a pulse noticed that Severus Snape had become interested in something other than Potions and the Dark Arts. But no one except Minerva noticed how cheery Albus had become. Minerva wondered, but she did not question. All she could figure out was that something somewhere had gone according to plan.

/*/

Albus Dumbledore may have been happy about Severus and Janna, but he was troubled about their son. The aunt and uncle Harry lived with were the worst sort and treated him horribly. He had to send a threatening note to Petunia Dursley reminding her of their agreement and of her duty. That was the most he could have done without showing his hand. Harry would know what he was soon enough.

Lily had done what she needed to do by putting James Potter down in the books as Harry's father, but it would be so much simpler if she could have left the father line blank.

There were many nights Albus agonized over the choice he had made sending Harry to Little Whinging, but as he had told Severus, he had done what he could with the choices he had. He had insured that Harry and Lily would survive. Dumbledore was all but certain Voldemort would turn up looking to kill Harry and if he tried that, there wasn't any doubt Voldemort would have to kill Lily as well.

There hadn't been much he could do for Harry at that time as it was his destiny to confront Voldemort in the future, but Lily had been a different story. She would never have stood still for her son being groomed as a lamb for slaughter and would have fought to the death to keep her son from being The Chosen One. He had to change her to protect her life as well as the fate of the wizarding world. He would have done the same for James had he lived.

Technically, the only one who mattered was Harry, but there hadn't been any other way of handling him as he had to remain with a blood relative and neither Lily nor Severus had been an option. In hindsight, Albus did think he'd been remiss not sending a teacher to Harry before his eleventh birthday. That way, The Boy Who Lived could have been prepared for his life as a wizard. But he hadn't. It was very seldom Albus would admit to having made an error in judgment, but in this instance he knew he had made a bad decision.

Albus had kept his word to Lily to protect her secret. He had put a few charms in place just in case Harry turned out to look more like Severus than Lily. He had set the spells so they would automatically be invoked on Harry's fifth birthday and remain intact until such a time when Harry either accepted Severus as his real father, or he himself reversed them. Dumbledore was pretty certain neither of those things would come to pass.

/*/

When he first announced that Harry was being sent to the Muggles, Minerva accused him of meddling and they had one of their very few confrontations. "What are you thinking Albus? His relatives are muggles who from the way they treated Lily and James do not approve of magic. You could have left Harry with any magical family because they would have been proud to take him in."

Dumbledore had tried to explain why he'd done what he'd done. "Minerva. Having Harry stay with a magical family would have made him and the magical family immediate targets to those who still followed Voldemort. Do you not realize that conniving Lucius Malfoy and a few others who pretended to be under the Imperius Curse after the war could easily have tried to get rid of Harry because that is what Voldemort wants. Besides, Harry had to remain with blood and Petunia Dursley is the only relative he has," and he had ended their conversation with a few firm words. "What's been done has been done. We move on from here. Hopefully, Voldemort will not reappear for a good many years."

In the long run, Minerva had sorrowfully agreed with Dumbledore, but she hadn't been happy with his decision and had let him know her feelings for years to come.

Minerva was important to Albus. If he had been predisposed towards women, she would have been his first choice, but seeing that his one and only love had been Gellert Grindelwald, Albus could only treat her as a revered companion even when they disagreed.

/*/

The OWLS and NEWTS had come and gone. The school was very quiet except for those few professors who were still there tidying up before leaving on summer break.

September coming would usher in the school year 1990-1991 with both Severus and Janna going into their ninth year as professors and their first year as companions. They still hadn't taken that next step, but they had kissed. Severus had been hard pressed to keep himself from going farther, but he wasn't looking for a quick shag in a classroom. He was looking for a life long commitment and was conducting himself in that manner.

Janna was another story. When she was close to Severus, she wanted him. While Severus was being a gentleman about it all, she wanted more, but didn't want to come across as a slag so she had to remain content to move at Severus' pace. Her other option was to make him want to do something sexual and think it was his idea, so she had begun to plot.

Janna had firm ideas of what she wanted to happen on their dates. She was going to plan carefully and do her best to have Severus on top of her by the end of summer break. One of her weapons would be her perfume. Severus seemed partial to it. She noticed on more than one occasion he seemed to go weak when she wore a certain scent. Janna being the smart witch had refrained from wearing it during the last month of classes, but she was going to douse herself liberally on their dates. She wanted Severus and she wanted him for keeps. If she had to use perfume to loosen him up, so be it.

/*/

For once, Severus was happy with the state of his life. However, there had been rumblings that the Dark Lord was once again a living force leeched to anything that could keep him alive until he regained a permanent body. It was a rumor Severus heard from Lucius Malfoy and didn't totally believe nor completely discount. Severus had been privy to certain dark secrets and knew as did Dumbledore, the Dark Lord had his ways although he was loathe to speak his thoughts out loud. Lucius was sure the Dark Lord would reappear within a few years because Gibbons, Yaxley and Travers were actively looking for their master determined to find him. Bellatrix would have been at the forefront of the search except for the fact her trifling arse was still locked up in Azkaban. It seemed as though it was only a matter of time before the Dark Lord found someone to accommodate him in his search for a new body.

Severus didn't look forward to the Dark Lord being revived. He was starting on his path with Janna and didn't want anything to spoil his plans, especially not the need to be sneaking around spying for both his devils. Unfortunately, he had made the unbreakable vow with Dumbledore which would necessitate exactly that if or when the Dark Lord returned. Severus knew he would be expected to return to the side of the Dark Lord, but he damn well didn't have to like it.

Another problem would be Janna. She was an upstanding witch just as Lily had been and would not stand still for him taking up the cause of a dangerous despot. If Severus knew anything, he knew she would wash her hands of him and he would have lost his witch for a third time and that was not an option.

/*/

Severus discussed all he heard with Dumbledore, but as usual Dumbledore knew all about the rumors going around and had revealed a few things to him. "I am aware of these things and more Severus. Although I have not been able to pinpoint his whereabouts, I am convinced Voldemort is desperately seeking a way to come back and I believe we will see his return within the year. Continue to keep your eyes and ears open Severus."

"I do not know what criteria you are using to form your opinions, but I hope you, me and the rumors are wrong. Janna and I are on the path we should have been on years ago and I do not intend to let anything deter us. I'll tell you this now Albus. I intend to see how things go with my son when he shows up next year. If they go well, I will take my son and Janna and we will leave Scotland. You've had your way and I will now have mine. The only difference between you and I is that I will not be doing anything for the greater good. I'll be doing it for Janna, Harry and myself" and rising from his chair Severus asked sarcastically, "Have I made myself clear?"

Before Severus could leave, Albus stood and angrily responded. "You've made yourself clear Severus. What shall I do about our vow?"

Turning back Severus walked up to Albus. "Are you threatening me Albus because if you are…?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake Severus, of course I'm not threatening you. I'm only reminding you of your duties."

"I know my duties," snapped Severus. "I've had them shoved down my throat for the last eight years. However, I will be protecting my son as agreed and since Voldemort is not back as of yet, I owe you nothing else. As I have said, my decisions will rest on the relationship that develops between myself and my son. Goodnight Albus."

/*/

After his discussion with Dumbledore, Severus found himself in a right state which upset him even more as this would be the first night he and Janna spent away from Hogwarts. Janna had invited him to her flat and they planned on going to dinner after which they would spend time together. Severus had specific plans and the last thing he needed was to be aggravated to the point his plans fell apart, so to speak.

It would seem they both had plans because as Severus was trying to get himself sorted, Janna was trying to sort herself as well. She had bathed with a bit of her special fragrance in the water and then sprayed her hair and body. In addition, she had slipped a small bottle into her purse vowing to use every ounce if that's what it took to get Severus into her bed. Janna figured she had gone along long enough and it was time to take Severus to where she wanted him to be. Severus was due to pick her up as they had agreed to leave Hogwarts together.

Janna put a few finishing touches on her attire and being quite satisfied with the way she looked began pacing the floor in anticipation.

As she gave herself a tenth look in the mirror, Severus knocked on the door of her rooms. "You look lovely," he said kissing her hand. "It is time for us to be off on our adventure."

Janna smiled up into the eyes of the wizard she had come to adore. "I look forward to a wondrous night."

Severus smiled down at his petite witch. "As do I Janna. As do I" and taking Janna by the arm Severus escorted her to the front gates where she directed them to her flat.

/*/

Once they arrived at her flat, Janna told Severus to make himself at home directing him to put any change of clothes in the dresser located in the guest room.

"If it is not an imposition, I will put several things in the dresser and I will be sure to collect them before we go back to Hogwarts."

Janna had smiled at Severus' comment because if it was possible she would have those items in her flat from now going forth. Her choice had been made and she would not give up easily. She was in love with Severus and would see it to its end.

Their reservations were set for 8:30 and they had a few hours before they had to be at the restaurant. To pass the time away Janna began talking about the classes they shared.

Severus responded to several of her queries before reminding her that they were on school break and should put the Hogwarts shit in a corner for now.

Janna blushed. "You are of course right Severus. I am only commenting on Hogwarts to give you something to think about."

"I have enough to think about" quipped Severus moving next to Janna. "I am with you."

Smiling, Janna turned herself to Severus and laid her head on his shoulder.

This was courting and Severus was ready to follow through. "Your manner and fragrance enchant me and I find myself in flux whenever you are near. May I kiss you with the intention of going further?"

Janna had longed to hear words of this nature and felt herself run wet. This was what she wanted and would allow it to play out. Whispering in Severus' ear she made her statement. "I want nothing more and I will not rebuff your advances."

Severus didn't wait for another word as he put both arms around Janna pulling her in so he could kiss her fully on the mouth. "Then we will start here and I shall have what I've wanted for so long."

Severus and Janna never used the reservations instead they sent an owl to the restaurant apologizing they would not be able to keep the reservation and insisting the restaurant charge them full price. The last thing on either of their minds was eating unless one counted Severus' tongue between Janna's legs.

/*/

Once the reservation had been discharged, Severus hadn't wasted any time. He whispered some things to Janna and then had moved to make her understand. "I have longed to have you in my arms and if you accept my attentions I expect to be the only wizard to hold you this way. I want to be the only wizard you make love to. I want you."

His words had been all Janna needed to melt into him. "This has been a long time coming Severus. I'm not sure if I can satisfy your needs, but I am willing to try" and she moaned as Severus gently began pulling off her garments.

There hadn't been any question. Janna and Severus came together as though it was meant to be. Severus wanted to please her and Janna wanted to please him and they had done just that. The sex had been magical and after Severus pleasured her with his mouth, they had come back together as he and Lily had come together in the days of the Alchemy rooms. Janna grabbed Severus about the shoulders and Severus grabbed her about the arse pulling her ever closer. It had been amazing as they groaned, grunted and moaned their feelings while thrusting together to achieve incredible orgasms.

After, Severus wrapped Janna tightly in his arms as they laid there savoring what Janna perceived as their first sexual encounter. Janna was happy she had achieved her ends and Severus was very sure what he had just experienced was Lily. His Lily. His erection began to form again and Severus rubbed himself to help it along in preparation of having the witch he had always loved one more time.

/*/

September 1990 was there before they knew it, but things were different with Severus. Being intimate with Janna during the summer break had brought about a certain change. He was still the beast of a professor he'd always been, but inside he was happy and allowed himself to hope.

Severus had gone as far as to introduce Janna to Lucius Malfoy when Lucius stopped by Hogwarts trying to insure a top placement for his son Draco who would be starting the following year. Severus didn't think as highly of Lucius as he had in previous years, but as a favor he had agreed to keep an eye on Draco when he did come through.

Janna had been gracious to Lucius when they met, but later told Severus that something about him just didn't sit well with her and she didn't care for him in the least.

"He is of no consequence to us," Severus had told her. "All that should matter to us is us," and Janna had been satisfied with that.

Dumbledore had obviously done an amazing job with Lily's transformation because Lucius hadn't suspected a thing. He had accepted Janna as a pure blood witch without hesitation. Severus was pleased there wouldn't be problems on that end. If his muggleborn witch had gotten past Lucius Malfoy, she would get past any of the others.

Before leaving, Lucius had clapped Severus on the back while shaking his hand. "It has taken a while Severus," he said referring to Janna. "But well done. Very well done indeed. Don't you find her much more suitable than some Mudblood?"

Severus who had been incensed by Lucius' remark had only wished Lucius a good day, but walked away muttering. "You pompous bastard. If you only knew."

/*/

By November of 1990, Severus contemplated asking Janna to be his wife. They had declared their love for each other and Severus couldn't see any reason to wait. He was sure Janna would accept his proposal, he just didn't know where or when to ask her.

As the winter break approached, Severus realized the holidays would be his perfect opportunity. Making an excuse one Saturday prior to the holidays, Severus set himself a portkey to London where he picked out an amazing diamond and emerald engagement ring. He also made reservations for a private table in one of the best restaurants in Wizarding London. With his tasks done, Severus returned to Hogwarts.

It wasn't long before the holidays were upon them and Severus and Janna were enjoying an evening of dinner and fine wine. This was the night Severus planned to ask Janna for her hand, but the last time he'd been this nervous was while he waited for Lily to get sorted into her house. Severus hoped this night turned out better than the sorting.

Janna noticed. "Severus? Is there something wrong? You've been fidgeting this entire evening."

Reaching across the table to pat Janna's hand, Severus assured her that everything was fine.

"Then I will excuse myself to the ladies room before having another glass of your fine wine," and she left the table.

The opportunity had presented itself. Severus would ask the question when she returned from the loo. Taking several deep, cleansing breaths, he pulled the ring from inside his robes and waited. Severus stood to seat Janna when she returned and as he went to take his seat he had the ring in his hand.

Gazing deeply into the eyes of the love of his life Severus began his speech. "Janna, you have brought me more happiness in the time we've been together than I'd ever imagined possible. You have changed my life and I would like you to continue changing my life. Therefore, I am asking you to be my wife. Janna Southway would you consent to grace my life for the rest of our lives?"

Janna gazed at Severus with love as tears began rolling down her cheeks. Severus reached over and gently wiped the tears away waiting for her answer.

"You've made me so happy Severus and I would like for you to continue making me happy for the rest of our lives. I do love you and I will be proud to be your wife."

Severus exhaled the breath he had been holding in, slipped the ring on Janna's finger then leaned over to kiss her hand. He had made the right decision to request a private table because they had sealed their engagement with one kiss after another until Severus suggested they have a toast to their future then go celebrate at the flat.

Severus poured two glasses of wine and they simply toasted, "To us."

/*/

Janna and Severus spent the remaining two days of holiday break expressing their love for each other and discussing their future. Soon enough it was time for the engaged couple to get back to Hogwarts to get their schedules in order.

They kept their engagement quiet except for telling a select few including Albus and Minerva who were both quite happy with knowing Severus and Janna had found each other.

/*/

As 1991 progressed, Severus and Janna set their wedding date. They made plans for a quiet ceremony before the new school year began.

So it was on July, 10th 1991 that Minerva, Albus, Filius and Sybil stood for Severus and Janna as they joined lives. Janna had insisted on a small party to celebrate their wedding with Severus content in the knowledge that after all this time he had exactly what he'd always wanted and to him no celebration was necessary.

/*/

In between the wedding service and the celebratory party Albus quietly took the bride and groom aside. "I want to offer my congratulations to you both as a couple. I wish you all the happiness Merlin will allow and just so you are aware, it is my plan to announce your marriage to the students on September first. However, I would like for Janna to remain Professor Southway to her students."

Severus cleared his throat asking Janna to go see how the party preparations were coming. Janna was puzzled over being sent away, but she kissed Severus on the cheek and walked away to check on the preparations.

/*/

As soon as Janna was out of earshot Severus lit into Dumbledore. "Here you are again Albus trying to dictate someone else's life. What import does it have to you if Janna is called Professor Snape. She is my wife and that is her name. Is my name that offensive or is it just the way Albus Dumbledore wants it?" asked Severus raising his voice.

This is your wedding day Severus. Why do you find it necessary to argue on this day? I am not trying to dictate your life. I am simply trying to reduce the confusion which might arise if Hogwarts has two Professor Snapes. Please see it for what it is, a plan to have the school run smoothly. It is my suggestion that Janna introduce herself as Mrs. Snape to the students following up during individual classes that she is to be called Professor Southway while class is in session. It will be fine Severus. Our students aren't as dim as you seem to think. Go be with your wife and get some enjoyment out of this day. We'll have plenty of time to discuss this before the start of the school year."

Neither agreeing nor disagreeing with the Headmaster, Severus did decide he was wasting the best day of his life, so with a nod in Albus' direction he headed to the rooms where their party was being held.

/*/

The party came off well and after everyone wished them a good life, Janna hugged the few witches in attendance and Severus shook hands with the wizards, after which they made their way to their new set of rooms Albus had specifically set up for them as a married couple.

The couple spent several hours consummating their marriage before Janna packed their bags in preparation of going off to celebrate their marriage.

/*/

Janna was his and in his entire life Severus hadn't ever been this happy. As he laid there gazing at his lovely wife, Severus thought about Harry. He hoped his son would be willing to recognize him as his father and accept Janna as his mother. Severus was reluctant to put too much faith in his hopes knowing his son had grown up hearing stories about his father the great James Potter.

Then leaning in, Severus kissed his wife on the shoulder whispering, "I have loved you all my life. Now we shall see what the future will bring."

Janna pulled her husband closer. "That's an odd thing to say Severus, but had I known you all of my life I believe I would have loved you as well."

Severus faced away from Janna as he ran his hands up and down her back whispering ever so softly. "You have known me for most of your life and you did love me."


End file.
